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What's wrong with me?
| Support Forum > Physical Health > What's wrong with me? |
| lost & confused Member Wed, 7 Mar 2012 5:31pm | i have hated the way i look for as long as i can remember. i can never remember being happy about who i am. I think i am fat and ugly. I have actually started starving in order to lose weight. Being at school doesn't help at all. i dont' really have any friends and i get bullied a lot. I've started to self harm and i have a feeling that it is only going to get worse I just don't know what to do anymore.... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sat, 10 Mar 2012 4:33pm | Hi lost & confused, I get the sense that you're feeling completely powerless in your struggle with your self-image and concerns about your weight. I am thinking you’re finding it hard (maybe even impossible?) to separate yourself from these self-loathing feelings that have followed you from a young age :( How are you managing all the intense feelings? I get the sense that your appearance is a constant source of disappointment and sadness for you, and I imagine that this disapproval (and sometimes self-hatred) you feel towards your body really acts to bring down your self-esteem and feelings of worth. I can hear that school doesn’t feel like a safe place to be, and it sounds like the bullying you face makes you feel even worse about yourself :( I hope you know that no one deserves to be bullied and that the problem is with the bullies, not you. It seems like you don’t see much hope for improvement in this moment, but rather that things continue to swirl out of control for you... I’m thinking it might be hard to focus on anything positive when your mind and heart are so preoccupied with how you think you look to others (and ultimately how you look to yourself). I’m wondering if you’ve been able to talk to anyone else about how you’ve been feeling? I think you show strength in reaching out to us and I hope you stay connected, lost & confused, please feel free to try us on Chat too (6-11pm PST every night except Weds) or e-counselling… of course we’d love to continue connecting here too. Sending a cyber-hug, <3 the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 10 Mar 2012 7:01pm | Well recently i've started to self harm myself...for some reason i think that it will help. Like it will make me feel better about myself. Right now, i don't think it's a serious issue... At school, I try to stay out of peoples way but that doesn't really help. They still find a way to make me feel even worse about myself. There isn't really anyone i can to talk to... well there are people that i could talk to but i don't really trust them. I tend to keep to myself a lot... I feel that if i try to talk to someone they will just judge me... I would talk to my parents but it seems like they don't really care about me anymore... It seems like i'm all alone.. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Wed, 14 Mar 2012 1:30pm | Heyy lost & confused, <3 I hear how very alone youre feeling - like you feel disconnected from everyone around you... even your parents. Trust is important - Im sad you don't have anyone in your life that you can trust to talk to :( But, Im happy you came hear to talk about how you've been feeling - I get the sense things have been building up inside your head and heart and it sometimes feels overwhelming. You mentioned self-injury as a way of coping with everything - I can really hear much you don't like YOU :'( I hope you take care of YOUrself. Im worried about you, lost & confused, and I hope you know you're not alone here. Stay connected <3 the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Wed, 14 Mar 2012 5:07pm | it's nice to know that someone out there actually cares about me... i try to tell my self that everything will be fine...but it's getting harder and harder to say that. it seems like i have to face the world alone, because, in my eyes, i do. i can't find anything that i like about myself anymore. whenever i look in the mirror, i can only find the things that i hate. that's why i started to self-injure. i want to feel pretty. i want to be happy with who i am...but i don't think i ever will be. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sun, 18 Mar 2012 7:09pm | hi lost and confused, I hear how unhappy you are with who you see in the mirror... that you just don't feel pretty. I know sometimes it can be really hard to find any positives in anything. It sounds like you really don't like the way you look - but I get a sense that you once saw more things that you liked about yourself. Or at least, there were more things that you accepted about yourself. I can hear how tired you are of having to face everything in life alone... like no one gets you. It makes me sad that you feel so alone :'( Im really glad youre reaching out - I'm wondering how bad it gets for you? How've you been coping with all you've been feeling? We're here for you lost & confused... stay strong and stay connected. the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Mon, 19 Mar 2012 3:18pm | It sometimes get to the point where i just sit and wonder what did i ever do to deserve this... i've have never really thought about suicide, i don't think that will solve anything. that's what the bullies want. they are trying to push me over the edge... i know that they will just find another target after i'm gone. i don't want it to get to the point where i want to kill myself... As far as coping goes, i usually just listen to music and try to block the rest of the world out. I also have a journal that i write in whenever i feel really upset. writing sometimes helps me vent out my feelings and i can just ripe the pages out and burn them if i want to... I don't want to live like this but i just don't know what else to do... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Fri, 23 Mar 2012 3:08pm | Hi lost & confused, I can really understand how hard you're fighting to not be swallowed up by your emotions. You may not feel it, but I really hear strength in your posts... even though things feel overwhelmingly sad-making and mad-making, you know that things don't have to be (and shouldnt be!) the way they are. I don't think you did ANYTHING to deserve how you're being treated... remember lost & confused, the problem isn't with you, it's with them - the bullies have the issues, not you. I know that doesn't make it any easier, I just don't want you blaming yourself for anything you didn't do. You DO deserve better! You mentioned that self-injury is new to you, and I was wondering if anything in particular happened recently that brought you to injure yourself, or if it's been a bunch of things building up over time? I'm happy to hear that suicide isn't an option for you, and that you have other ways of coping. I think writing is a fabulous way to get our feelings out... I find that when I go back and read all the stuff Ive written, I'm reminded that I'm a survivor. Im getting the sense that you're a survivor too... am I right? Music is another great way to get our minds off upsetting stuff... have you tried any other ways to distract yourself when your feelings are overwhelming? I hope you take care of yourself, lost & confused... and I hope you stay connected here. We want to support you as best as we can - what do you think would help you feel more supported? Stay strong... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 24 Mar 2012 7:01pm | At some points i feel like i do deserve to be bullied. i don't know why but i do.. i don't think i've done anything to make anyone mad or angry at me, so why does this happen to me? i've always tried to be nice to other people. i guess that would make me an easy target, because they know that i won't fight back. Nothing really happened recently that is causing me to self-ingure. There are just a lot of different things going on right now and it gets overwhelming. i dont really think of myself as a survivor. I don't feel like i've gone through anything that would earn me the title of survivor. I just try to get through each day. i haven't really tried anything else to distract me. I don't really know what else to try. i'm just so confused on what i should do.. It seems like it's never going to get any better. i feel like it will only get worse. i don't really know what would help me feel more supported... I guess having support from my parents would help, but i don't really think they care anymore. It's like i am fighting this battle alone...and i'm losing. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 26 Mar 2012 11:50am | Oh lost & confused, I really hear how alone and sad you're feeling :( It sounds like sometimes you feel like its hopeless, like nothing will ever change... that must make it sooooo hard to keep on keeping on. It makes me sad to read that at some points you believe you deserve to be bullied. Personally, I don't think anyone deserves to be bullied - ever. But I can appreciate that is how you feel. I think you're right that bullies look for "easy targets", but I don't think its fair to put that on the victims... I don't think we should blame the victim for the bully's behaviour, if you know what I mean. Im getting the sense that things have become just too much for you lately, and SI is a way to release some of the overwhelming feelings youve been having. That worries me, lost & confused... I know SI can help, but it is a really drastic way of dealing with emotional pressure. I know you said you don't think it's a serious issue, but Im wondering - could it become a serious issue if you continue to use it to cope? Im really hoping we can think of some other ways that will help you deal with the stress and pressure, but that won't cause you physical harm. You mentioned writing and music are a couple things you do for distraction, and I'm wondering if you're open to exploring some other options? Ive included a link to some distraction ideas... http://self-injury.net/information-recovery/recovery/distractions You've talked about feeling like your parents don't care about you anymore, and Im wondering what has made you feel this way? You said they don't care "anymore", so I'm thinking at one time you felt they did care... did something happen to change that? I wish they could see and understand that you're going through a really hard time and need some support and guidance. No one should go to battle alone! I know it isn't much, but I just want you to know that we are here for you and that we do care about you, lost & confused... we can't go to battle with you, but we can cheer from the sidelines, and we can be here for you to hear how it's going. Take good care of YOU... and stay connected. the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Mon, 26 Mar 2012 1:49pm | I don't really want to SI but that seems like the only thing that helps. I want to stop, I don't want it to get too serious. I read the link you posted, and I guess I could try some of the options... It seemed like my parents used to care about me but now they pretty much ignore me. If they really cared they would have noticed that something was wrong. They would have seen that I've been acting differently. My parents have been fighting a lot so that's why it seems like they don't care, they are too caught up in fighting that they have forgotten about me. I think that I might have depression but i don't know. I looked up the symptoms online and i noticed that a lot of them are true about me. My parents don't know or a least haven't noticed because I know they haven't looked up the symptoms. they haven't noticed because whenever I am around them I act like everything is fine. I don't really want them to know... I dont want to have to tell them, they are my parents so they should have noticed that something wasn't right. I want to get help, i want to tell someone, but i'm afraid. i don't want to be judged, i just want to be happy. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Fri, 30 Mar 2012 9:48am | Hi lost & confused, As I read your post I had such a feeling of sadness that you feel so invisible to your parents... to feel like they don't care about you and are too caught up in their own stuff to notice what you're going through must be so hard and disheartening :( Im also hearing that you're kinda hiding the depression you feel by pretending like everything is fine... I get the sense you feel really conflicted about them (and others) knowing what's going on for you... like, if people know then it becomes more real for you? I really appreciate how scary this must feel for you and Im so glad you're connecting here. I get the sense you really want to understand what's going on and why... the internet can be a great resource to learn more about depression. Two sites we really like are http://www.mindyourmind.ca and http://www.ok2bblue.com You mentioned that you might try some ways of coping other than SI... I think its awesome that you're open to exploring ideas on how to deal with everything you're going through. It can take time to find what works for you... we really want you to be safe. Im really hearing that you wish things weren't the way they are - that you're afraid of being misunderstood, or rejected by others, or treated differently... that really makes sense to me. Im curious who you've thought of talking to about how youve been feeling? We want you to be happy too, lost & confused... stay strong. the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 1 Apr 2012 3:23pm | Thanks for replying. It's nice to know that someone understands and cares about what I am going through. It's hard to go through each day thinking that my parents don't care about me. I want them to know what going on, but I want them to figure it out for themselves I think you're right, that the reason I haven't told anyone yet is because I don't want to face the fact that i have depression. I try to play it off and act like I'm fine. Some of the teachers at my school sometimes ask if I'm okay and I always say the same thing: "I'm fine" or "I'm just tired" I read the sites that you posted and it did help me understand and learn more about depression. I've tried some of the options on the distraction list you posted, but it seems like every time something doesn't work I get more frustrated and i want to SI even more. I try to fight the urges but that only makes it worse. I worried that it will get so bad that I wont ever be able to stop. I don't want it to get that point. I haven't really thought about talking to anyone. I've thought a little bit about it but I couldn't really think of anyone. There are the guidance counselors at school but I'm kinda afraid to talk to them. I don't really think of my parents as an option because they don't even notice what going on. I can't really talk to a doctor because I would have to talk to my parents because I can't drive yet. I just don't know who to go to for help... I doesn't seem like anyone would want to help me anyway....It seems like i am just in everyone's way... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 3 Apr 2012 4:41pm | Hey lost & confused, I imagine it feels really disappointing and lonely to think that your parents don't care much about you :/ I'm hearing that you're hoping your parents can figure out how you're doing without you having to tell them...kinda like you feel that if they cared enough, they should sense something is wrong with you. I'm getting the sense that there are others around you (such as teachers) who might be getting a vibe that something is wrong and are asking if you're doing ok. But there's something that holds you back from telling them - and you're wondering if that's perhaps because you don't want to believe you have symptoms of depression. I imagine you're longing for your parents to be the ones to check in and ask how you're doing, but I'm wondering how it feels when your teachers are the ones asking how you're doing? I'm hearing that it's super hard to fight off those urges to SI sometimes, and you're concerned that your self-harm might escalate and become something that you can't help doing forever. It sounds like you are trying your best not to move in that direction by trying some distractions and keeping in touch with us - although these might seem like small steps right now, you are fighting for your health and to keep going each day. Thanks for brainstorming some ideas of people you might talk to. I'm getting the sense that you're waiting for your parents to come to you about any concerns, and getting to a doctor would be difficult without your parent's knowledge. You mentioned there are guidance counsellors at school, but you'd feel nervous approaching them...can you tell me more about your fear when it comes to talking to them? We're here for you and we do care, lost & confused...stay connected, the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Wed, 4 Apr 2012 1:44pm | It's really hard to continue my day knowing that my parents don't really care about me. I want them to care. I want them to know what's going on. It's nice to know that other people notice that something's not right, I just wish my parents noticed as well. Everyday i try to fight off the urge to SI, but it's getting harder and harder. I don't really thinks it's a big issue right now. But I know that it could become one if I don't stop now. Whenever something doesn't turn out right or I hear my parents fighting, I want to SI to let my feelings out. Usually i don't stop and think about what i am doing. I'm afraid to talk to the guidance counsellors at school because i am afraid of being judged. I'm not really sure what I would say to them. I don't want to risk telling them and having them tell my parents. Just the thought of going to the guidance counsellors scares me. don't know what to do. I want people to know. but I don't want to have to tell them. I just want someone to realize that whenever I say "I'm fine" or "I'm just tired" i'm really not. I'm falling apart. I just want someone to help me... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sat, 7 Apr 2012 6:05pm | Hi lost & confused, It sounds like you are hurt by your parent's indifference, and your biggest wish right now is for them to realize what is going on. I'm getting the sense that instead of trying to hide your feelings of depression and SI, you truly want your parents to know about what you've been going through. I imagine with their fighting and acting distracted toward you, it must be hard to feel close to them and share your thoughts. You mentioned earlier that you're sure your parents used to care about you, and I'm wondering how you think your parents would react if they knew about your emotional pain and SI (whether they found out themselves or by you telling them)? I can hear how you are really hurting and want someone to make it better, and you're at a loss of what to do now. I'm worried about you because your urges to SI are getting stronger and stronger each day. It sounds like you can see that it's becoming a little bit more out of your control as times goes on. I'm hearing that you are silently crying out for some support, but you are not ready to take the step to tell someone else about your SI - you'd rather they come to you and ask you how you're doing. In your ideal world, other people would have enough empathy to instinctively know something is wrong and keep asking how you were doing until you told them - that would be fantastic. However, it seems like people often have to be told directly before we can begin to receive their support and care. I'm wondering if your SI begins to get out of control and still no one has checked in with you, do you think there will be a point where you will reach out to someone and ask for help? Thank you for sharing with us what is behind your mask - we care for you and want to be here to listen to your thoughts, feelings and ideas. Our hearts go out to you... <3 Stay strong, the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 8 Apr 2012 3:54pm | i don't really know how they would react... I think they would be shocked and confused. I don't really think they would understand. i just wish they would notice that something isn't right, but they are too caught up in their fighting to notice me anymore. I dont know if i would go to someone or not. I really want someone to notice before i have to tell them. honestly, i thought someone would have noticed by now. i know people have noticed that i haven't been eating as much, but no one has said anything. either they don't care about me or they want me to starve myself... I don't think anyone cares about me anymore... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Thu, 12 Apr 2012 4:20pm | Hi lost & confused, I'm hearing that you imagine your parents would be surprised and confused by your SI and how you're doing in general, if they found out or were told. I'm really getting the sense of how much you wish they would ask you how you're doing or pay attention to you more. I bet it's really rough to feel pretty much ignored and not cared for by your parents while they are caught up fighting with each other :/ It sounds like you've been really limiting what you've been eating, and you're sensing that other people have noticed this but haven't said anything. My heart goes out to you, because it's like you're silently screaming for others to pay attention but it feels like no one is speaking up or reaching out to you. I imagine you're feeling pretty lonely and isolated right now...thank you for keeping in touch with us, I'm guessing that takes a lot of courage to do because my impression is that you've been burned in the past and it's been hard to trust others ever since then. We do care about you and want to be here for you through these hard times. Stay connected... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:20pm | i just really wish they noticed me. i just wish they would at least act like they care. Sometimes it feels like no one cares about me. Like no one would notice if i just disappeared… Yeah, I have been limiting what i eat. i just feel fat and starving myself seems like something that would help. It may not be the healthiest thing...but it works... I just wonder how long i have to live like this before someone notices. i just want someone to notice before it's too late… i don't want it to get to the point where i want to end my life…but what about the bullying, SI, starving myself, my parents fighting? what if it never ends? what if it does get to the point where i want to kill myself? I just don't know what to do. I don't want to have to say something. Someone should have noticed by now... I don't understand why no one has tried to help. Unless they want me gone... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 16 Apr 2012 12:43pm | Hi lost & confused, I can hear how invisible and unloved you're feeling, because it must seem like no matter what kind of hardships you go through no one in your life is paying any attention. I'm getting the sense that you are filled with dislike for your body. It sounds like when you starve yourself, part of you feels like it helps with coping...but I can hear that another part of you feels scared by how bad things are getting with your eating habits and SI. There is so much going on in your life right now with the bullying, parents fighting and possibly depression, and it breaks my heart that you don't feel like you're getting the support that you so desperately need. I'm wondering how Youthspace is doing when it comes to being a support in your life. Do you feel like writing back and forth with us on here is easing some of your pain? Is there anything that you feel we can address specifically to help you out? We want to be here for you and be a help however we can. Stay strong... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Tue, 17 Apr 2012 2:39pm | I really like Youthspace because it proves to me that there are people out there that do care about me. I do feel like writing back and forth helps because it gives me a chance to let my feelings out and know what I wont be judged. I am really glad that I found this site. I don't know what I would do if I didn't. Being on this site really helps with everything that has been going on lately. Thank you for caring and being there for me when no one else was. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Thu, 19 Apr 2012 8:22pm | Hey lost & confused, We're glad to hear you've been feeling heard and have been able to get some of your emotions out when writing here. It sounds like you've been feeling so utterly alone in this world, it must be so rough to feel like there aren't many people you can rely on. Having feelings of sadness and hopelessness well up inside you can make the pressure become too much, so I'm relieved you have writing as an outlet for these emotions. I'm getting the sense that you've been quietly crying out for someone to notice how much pain you're in, and I'm wondering how things have been for you lately? I imagine it must feel really isolating to feel like no one cares. Thanks for staying connected, the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 20 Apr 2012 4:18pm | Things have been a little rough.... my parents are still fighting. I am still bullied a lot in school (I don't think that will ever end). It seems like my life is just falling apart. I've been SI more often. I just can't get myself to stop. Every time I try to stop, it only gets worse. I just wish someone would notice that I am falling apart. I do feel isolated because it seems like even if I did tell someone, they wouldn't care. They would just laugh at me and walk away... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 23 Apr 2012 10:18pm | Hi lost & confused, It sounds like stuff is still pretty chaotic :/ I can hear how you are aching to tell someone about your parent's arguments, the bullying, the feeling of total aloneness...but you're hesitant to reach out to someone else for a few reasons. Part of you feels it shouldn't be necessary for you to tell someone - they should come to you first and recognize that something is making you feel really down. Another part of you feels that even if you reach out, nobody will give a crap and they'll just roll their eyes and leave you to deal with all of this alone. It must be so terrible to feel completely isolated and by yourself with all of these issues that are dragging you down. You mentioned that you're turning to SI more often to cope, and it sounds like although you've been desperate to stop, you feel helpless because it seems to be controlling you instead of the other way around. I'm wondering if the severity of your SI is increasing along with how often you do it? Stay strong, lost & confused - we're here for you. the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Wed, 25 Apr 2012 4:08pm | I really appreciate you replying. It means a lot. I've been really stressed lately. It's hard to deal with school work, my parents fighting, and the bullying. SI is really the only thing that helps right now. The severity isn't really increasing at least not a lot. Every time I try to stop it only gets worse. I just don't know what to do anymore. I afraid that it might get out of hand and I can't stop. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 1 May 2012 2:00pm | Hey lost & confused, I can really hear how stuck you're feeling. It sounds like all of the stresses in your life are pretty persistent, and maybe in some cases getting worse? It all sounds so overwhelming, and I'm sensing you're at a loss of how to deal with it. You said that your SI is continuing and you're worried about it getting out of hand. I'm glad you've been writing back and forth with us on here, because you mentioned before that writing can act as a stress release for you sometimes. It sounds like every day is a challenge to just get through and the stress is getting out of control. I'm wondering what kinds of things keep you going day after day? Thanks for staying in touch :) the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Wed, 2 May 2012 4:17pm | It does feel like sometimes things get worse as the days go on. I dont really know what keeps me going anymore. I guess it's just the thought that maybe one day things will go back to the way they were before everything started to go down hill... Music is another thing that helps. There is always one song that describes exactly how i feel. I'm just worried that things will get to a point where i wont be able to control what i do | ||
| Support Team Administrator Fri, 4 May 2012 3:05pm | Hi lost&confused, It must be really rough to feel like things are getting worse some days :/ But it sounds like there is still some hope inside of you that perhaps things might be able to ease one day, and move in a positive direction for you. I also hear that music can be a relief and give you the strength to keep going. I imagine when you hear a song that expresses your emotions so perfectly, it makes you feel less alone...like someone out there has been through smiliar pain? It sounds like you are really concerned about spiralling out of control with SI because of all the hurt you feel, and you don't want to get to the point where you act without being able to stop yourself. I'm glad you stay in contact with us here and keep writing to relieve the pressure that you feel inside <3 Stay strong.. the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Tue, 8 May 2012 12:31pm | Thanks for the reply. It seems like you really understand what I am going through at the moment. Music has always been there even when people haven't. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have music. Music doesn't help me feel less alone and it is comforting to think that I am not the only person going through this. I am worried that there will come a time when I SI and I can't stop. I'm worried that something will happen and i won't be able to stop my actions. Thanks again for listening to me and helping me. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sat, 12 May 2012 6:21pm | Hey lost & confused, It sounds like when you're posting on Youthspace or listening to a song that really resonates with you, you sometimes have the realization that others understand and that helps to ease your pain in the moment. I'm getting the sense that music has been loyal to you, even when you feel like there's not a soul out there you can count on - I'm really glad music can be such a healing force in your life, lost & confused :) I can really hear your anxiety about whether or not you'll be able to continue controlling the extent of your SI. I imagine sometimes the hurt in your life feels unbearable, and you're worried about being pushed over the edge and not knowing how to stop. I know you mentioned a while back that you didn't want to end your life, but that sometimes you imagined you would get to that point if stuff got too bad. I'm wondering if you've been thinking about suicide lately? We're here for you... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Tue, 15 May 2012 4:35pm | If it wasn't for music i don't think i would be able to survive. It has always been there for me. Whenever i have my music on i can block out the rest of the world. i just fall into my own world where everything is perfect, i am happy, and people actually care about me. But eventually i have to stop the music and return to reality. As much as i hate to admit it...yeah i have thought about suicide a couple times... I just really don't want it to get to that point, but i am afraid that it might... i just don't know what to do | ||
| Support Team Administrator Fri, 18 May 2012 5:40pm | heyy lost and confused, it's so great you have music to turn to for a release... hopefully, in time youll be able to find other outlets - other than harmful ones, anyway. but, yeah, music is an excellent escape. its cool that youre connecting here too... writing is great for exploring thoughts and ideas and feelings. im happy we can be a part of that with you! i can hear how much you continue to struggle with suicide, and finding reasons to keep on going. when things seem so hopeless, and there are no answers, its like, whats the point? there are so many things happening *to* you that are out of your control, i imagine thinking about suicide gives you a bit of control back? its good youre talking about it here - we wanna help you lost & confused. its been a few days since your last post... howve things been going for you...? Stay connected, lost & confused... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 18 May 2012 7:17pm | i do hope to find other outlets, i've been trying different ones but nothing seems to work. this website has helped me so much as well. It's really comforting to know that there are people out there that know what i am going through and care about me. sometime i do feel like it's pointless to go on.... like i should just give up and stop of trying. Also thinking about suicide does give a sense of control because i can control my thoughts and i can stop thinking about it whenever i want. Things haven't really changed. there still is bullying going on (I want to talk someone but i'm just afraid to). My parents are still fighting. and i'm still struggling with my self image. I'm just confused on what to do... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 22 May 2012 9:53am | heyy lost & confused, im really happy your staying connected here... we really do care about you and wanna help however we can! but im sorry your search for other outlets isnt working :( i can hear how confused you are about your options, like it just doesnt seem like there are any!? i imagine your feeling powerless and like you dont have any control over whats been happening... i agree you cant control other people, but you can control yourself. meaning, you cant stop stupid bullies from calling you cruel names, but you can stop yourSELF from calling YOU cruel names... know what i mean? so, there are lots of things you cant control, but are there any things you can...? i know one thing you can control, coz you said in your post - your thoughts of suicide. im sooo happy your thoughts of suicide are under control and are just that, thoughts. if those thoughts ever become to much, please talk to someone (us!) about it, k? stay connected... dont give up! the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Tue, 22 May 2012 7:12pm | i'm just really glad that i found someone who will listen and try to help me. I'll keep trying to find something that works. i just dont want to live like this forever. sometimes it does feel like there are no options and i am just stuck where i am... i understand what you are saying about the bullies, but it happens so often that i start to believe them. It's hard to stop thinking that it's true after such a long period of time, if you know what i mean? Sometimes it feels like i have no control over anything, including myself. I just feel so hopeless at times... I will definitely come here if my thoughts ever become more than just thoughts. I'm just worried that i wont get to someone in time if that does happen... like if i can't get on here or i can't find anyone that i can trust (which is hard because i don't really trust a lot of people). i'm worried that there will come a time where i can't stop myself from doing something and i will regret it afterwards.... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Fri, 25 May 2012 6:25pm | Hi lost & confused, I can hear how stuck you're feeling - like you've reached a wall and just can't climb or walk around it. It must be so frustrating to feel that things just aren't getting better...I imagine days can feel like years if you're feeling miserable most of the time :( It sounds like it's really hard not to take what those bullies say to heart. I bet hearing the same negative stuff day after day can take a huge toll after a while :/ I'm guessing that at times it feels like everyone around you is dictating how your life is going, and you have no part in your own feelings or decision making. That sounds so disheartening.. Thanks for saying you would come here if your thoughts of suicide ever became stronger <3 We want to be here for you for sure. I can hear how concerned you are about not being able to contact us or someone you trust in time if you're ever feeling unsafe. I'm wondering if you'd be interested in emailing us about this? We would be happy to give you the number of a couple of crisis lines in your area (that will be available 24 hours a day), and perhaps some other local resources that you can access if you need help asap. All you'd need to do is email support@youthspace.ca and let us know the city and province/state where you live, and then we can get some information for you. We won't need your name, and you can even use a fake email address if you'd like :) Thanks for staying in touch. Stay strong... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 27 May 2012 9:25pm | sometimes it just seems useless to keep trying if no one really cares. i feel like you are the only one that actually cares about me.... everyday i dread going to school because i know it will be the same routine... get up, go to school, get bullied. come home, be ignored, go to bed, wake up and repeat...it's a never ending cycle. i'll think about emailing you if i feel unsafe... you are one of the very few people that i trust. I am so glad that i found this site.... I don't know what i would do without you... Thank you for everything!!! | ||
| rilkean_heart Member Mon, 28 May 2012 5:30pm | i donno if it's ok to comment on your post without you're permission, but here goes. reading your story is like seeing a mirror image of my life. i move around a lot because of my dad's job, so it's hard for me to make freinds and I get bullied so much. people scream horrible stuff at me at school, and have even kicked, pulled my hair out and punched me. i get so sick to my stomach when i think about having to go back to school the next day after that happens. i cry and cry and nothing seems to get better. and i'm afraid to tell anyone what is happening. so i TOTALLY know what you mean when you wrote 'they say bad stuff and eventually you start to believe it' it made me so sad when i read what you wrote, because i read all that you wrote here and you seem really smart and sensitive and like a really actually good person. it makes me so hurt to think that they can say horrible things to you and you take it to heart. i wanna scream, 'no! don't listen to them, that means they will win!'. honestly you come across as a really awesome person, so i wish i could hug you and tell you , you are worth more than anyone is giving you credit for. as for parents, my mom passed away and my dad just works all the time to try to forget so it's like my sister and me don't exist sometimes. when school is tough and you're parent isn't there for you, it can be soo hard ;( seriously sucks. i just wanted to type this all out because i came across you're posts last week and wanted to comment all this time but wasn't sure if it was ok to do that. i couldn't stay quiet any longer, you are in such a hard spot and i wanted to let you know you are not alone. i have to have hope that things are going to get better for both of us, the future is too dark otherwise. i can't give up that hope, and i pray you won't either. thanks for listening! | ||
| rilkean_heart Member Mon, 28 May 2012 5:47pm | ps i forgot i was going to give you this link. when i am having bad days at school or home, this site always cheers me up. i don't know if it will help make you smile but thought it's worth a try. it basically lists some of the awesomest things ever! the guy who writes it has a funny writing style that usually makes me giggle. *http://1000awesomethings.com/the-top-1000/ *link approved by Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Mon, 28 May 2012 8:41pm | rilkean_heart, I don't mind that you posted on here, actually i am quite glad that you did because it proves to me that i am not alone. that there are other people out there going through the exact same thing as me. it's really amazing how similar our stories are. we are both feeling neglected by are parent(s) and we are both being bullied at school. you are the only person (other than the people at youthspace) that understands me at the moment. i try not to believe what the bullies tell me, but it's so hard. i don't think i've ever done anything to make them mad at me so i don't know why they bully me. i dread going to school everyday because i know nothing will ever change. sometimes i wish i had the guts to tell someone or stand up for myself. i hate that i am so shy and afraid. thank you so much for posting. i really appreciate it. you seem really nice too. i hope things get better for you. no one should have to go through what we do. i just wish we could show everyone what's going on and finally end bullying and everything…but i know that it will never happen… people only notice once it's too late, i just hope that wont ever happen to you or me. once again thanks for posting. hope things get better! | ||
| Support Team Administrator Wed, 30 May 2012 4:34pm | lost & confused: I can hear how much you are struggling to shut out what the bullies are saying, but it must be difficult when they are so persistent :( It sounds like you wish you were bolder and more assertive with them when they are taunting you. Here at Youthspace we believe it is 100% the bullies fault, and it shouldn't be left up to the person being bullied to put a stop to it - it shouldn't even be happening in the first place! I'm getting the sense that you also wish you could tell someone else in your life about what is going on at school, but part of you is afraid to do that. Can you tell me more about the feelings that prevent you from telling other people? rilkean_heart: Thanks for sharing your story here...it sounds like you are also experiencing some severe bullying at your school, and I can hear how devastating it is for you. No one should have to go through what you and lost & confused are dealing with on a daily basis! I imagine you wish every day that the bullying will stop or things will change for the better, but so far you feel things have been staying the same - or even getting worse :( My hunch is that talking to your dad isn't something you feel would help, but I'm wondering if there is anyone else in your life that you can tell about everything that's been going on? Thanks to both of you for posting, and stay strong... the Support Team | ||
| rilkean_heart Member Fri, 1 Jun 2012 2:49pm | ok whew i'm glad you were ok with me posting on here. and actually that's why i posted in the first place, because i felt the same way, just really calmed by the fact that someone else out there is going through a similar thing like me. it's interesting you mentioned about not knowing why the bullies are picking on you. i wondered the same thing, like i can't remember doing ANYTHING bad to them or even looking at them weird. just all of a sudden, they started in and haven't stopped. i guess recently i realized that part of them is sick, to be so cruel to me without reason. it's like someone kicking a puppy...they can't fight back and i think that's what the bullies like, it makes them feel better about themselves. which is just pathetic, but has nothing to do with us, we just happened to be an easy target. which sucks! dear support team: well actually i haven't told anyone what has been happening about the bullying, i just have been crying myself to sleep and wishing it wasn't happening. i do have an aunt (my mom's sister) who is always reaching out to tell me she loves me and says she's always there to talk...i'm not sure why so far i haven't talked to her, nervous i guess, but maybe i will talk to her. because something lost & confused said made me realize, we're both in a situation that is getting out of control, and i hope neither of us gets to the point where we wanna die instead of keep living. i don't want to die, i just want to stop feeling this pain every single day!! so yeah...i might tell my aunt, i will think it through. thanks both of you for writing here, feeling less alone at this point is such an important thing! | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 1 Jun 2012 7:23pm | Support Team: I'm just afraid to talk to someone. I'm afraid that they will judge me or laugh at me. I'm afraid that they just wont care. Because of things that have happened before, i am afraid to trust anyone. I don't want to trust someone with my secrets if they are just going to turn on me. I've been betrayed in the past and i don't want to take the risk of it happening again. Also i'm not really sure who i would talk to. yeah there are guidance counselors and teachers, but as i said before…i don't really trust them. I just don't think i can get the courage to go up and tell someone about what has been going on. rilkean_heart: you seem like a really nice person and it make me sad that you have to go through stuff like i do. I really understand how you feel. I just wish we could do something to show everyone what's going on. i find it somewhat amazing that some people have to rely on the pain of others to make them feel better about themselves. i don't understand what i ever did to them… just one day everyone seemed to turn on me…ever since then i haven't been able to trust anyone. We will get through this. Together. :) | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 5 Jun 2012 4:12pm | Hey lost & confused, I can hear how reluctant you are to tell someone what you've been through because of the breach in trust and betrayals you've experienced in the past. I don't think anyone should have to experience the emotional pain and bullying you have had to live through, and then be abandoned and feel alone. I'm relieved that although you don't have anyone in your daily life that you can trust yet, you still feel a connection to others and can receive support here. We're here for you.. the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 8 Jun 2012 8:12pm | i am just so happy that i was able to find this website. you have helped me so much. I dont know what i would do without you. i hate that i look around and see that everyone around me is happy and i am left feeling alone and forgotten... there is one girl that i know, Grace, that came to me the other day and she asked me if anything was wrong. apparently, she noticed that i haven't been acting the same. I was happy that someone actually noticed that something was wrong, but i dont know if i'm ready to tell anyone. I'm afraid that she wont really care if i tell her what's going on or that she will laugh at me and call me pathetic.... I dont know if i should tell her or not... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 11 Jun 2012 4:09pm | Hey lost & confused, I'm getting the sense that no matter where you look around you, others seem happy and content in their own worlds. I can hear how desperately you are wanting to be around others and be cared for, but so far you just haven't received the support you needed from those in your life. It sounds like Grace is one of the few who realized you've been acting out of character and cared enough to ask what's been going on for you lately. My hunch is that is was a true relief to hear someone who cares ask what's wrong, but part of you was still nervous to tell her everything you've been feeling lately. It can sure feel like a huge risk to pour your heart out to others - it sounds like Grace asked because she cared, so whatever you decide to do you'll still have the knowledge that she will be there if you choose to talk to her :) We're so happy the support you're getting here on Youthspace feels helpful :D *hug* We're here to listen... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Thu, 14 Jun 2012 12:03am | well i told Grace what was going on. I was kinda shocked that i did. I told her how i was feeling and everything. she told me that i could trust her and that she would be there for me... I made her promise that she wouldn't tell anyone and she promised. but i found out that she broke her promise...She told my mom. I'm kinda happy that she did, but now my mom is bugging me about it and she wont leave me alone!! I thought i could trust grace, but i guess i was wrong. how am i ever going to trust anyone if no one will keep there promises? i know grace is only did it because she was worried but still she promised! I want to stop SIing but everyone is making it so hard! The more people try to talk to me about it the more stressed i get. and the more stressed i get the more i was to SI. so by trying to help they are really making it worse... I'm just stuck on what to do... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Thu, 14 Jun 2012 11:40am | Hey lost & confused, It sounds like you were surprised with yourself when you opened up to Grace about what was going on in your life. I'm sensing that your emotions came pouring out in a flood when you were talking to her, and you weren't expecting to be so direct with your feelings. I imagine part of you feels betrayed that she told your mom about what's been going on with you because you had asked her to keep it a secret. But I'm hearing that another part of you is relieved that she told your mom, maybe because deep down you were craving support and caring from her? I'm getting the sense that part of you realizes that Grace told your mom because she was worried about you, but you feel disappointed too. It sounds like you're trying really hard to stop SIing, but you're feeling really overwhelmed by the people around you. My hunch is the way they are trying to help you isn't working well, and in fact is stressing you out even more. Now that your mom knows and you have a friend who is aware of what's going on, can you take a moment to visualize what they could do to help you instead of adding more pressure..what do you think they could be doing different to give you the support you need right now? Stay strong... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 17 Jun 2012 11:57am | i am disappointed that she told my mom but i understand why she did....she was worried about me. i texted her after i found out that she told my mom. I asked her why she told. she said that she knew that this wasn't something that i could overcome on my own. i agree with her, but i'm just upset that she broke her promise. it seems like every time i trust someone they find a way to betray me... i've really been trying to stop SIing... Grace told me about the Butterfly Project so i've been trying that. i still want to SI but not as much as i used to. i dont really know what they could do. my mom keeps trying to get me to talk to her, but i don't think she'll understand. she just doesn't get that i don't really want to talk about it. I'll talk to grace but i wont talk to my mom. i don't know why. i'm afraid that she might make me go to a doctor...i just don't know what to do... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:54pm | Hey lost&confused, I'm getting the sense that you regret the fact that Grace told your mom, but part of you can put yourself in her shoes and understand why she did it. I'm hearing that she didn't want you to be alone with this, and wanted to ensure you had support from your mom. I can sense you still feel a bit deceived that she had to go behind your back, but I think I can also hear a lot of relief that now your mom knows. It sounds like you've been putting in a lot of effort to stop SIing lately, and there's been some progress :D Awesome! You mentioned the Butterfly Project, has anything else been working for you when it comes to trying to stop? I'm hearing that you feel more comfortable talking to Grace about your feelings than your mom. I'm guessing that this might be because you're worried about your mom making you do something you don't want, like go to a doctor, while Grace just listens and is there for you? Stay connected... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Mon, 25 Jun 2012 9:38am | GRace is a really good friend. i'm not really mad that she told my mom. i mad because went behind my back to do it. i mean she could have talked to me and maybe we could've told her together. i don't understand why she had to lie to me saying that she wouldn't tell anyone if she knew that she was going to tell my mom. i can't find anything else that seems to work when it comes to trying to stop SIing. i think that Grace might understand what i'm going through better than my mother because Grace is closer to my age. i think that's why it's easier to talk to her. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Wed, 27 Jun 2012 1:16pm | Hi lost & confused, Yeah, I imagine you're feeling a little burned that Grace went behind your back instead of trying to talk about options with you face to face. I'm guessing that made you feel pretty left out of the decision process, like you couldn't handle making your own choices..? I'm relieved that you also see where Grace was coming from when she did that out of worry for your safety <3 It sounds like you really connect with Grace, because she's your friend and closer to you in age so has a better idea of what is going on for you. I'm also getting the sense that she has some ideas such as the Butterfly Project which have really resonated with you and might end up being helpful. At any rate, I imagine it feels good to have a friend to lean on and be there for you, who understands :) Thanks for staying connected, the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 29 Jun 2012 10:34pm | i'm really glad that i have a friend like Grace. But i did feel left out when she didn't bother to talk to me about telling my mother. also i recently found out that my mom is making me go to see a therapist. honestly i don't think i need one. I haven't done anything since i told Grace because she's been checking on my almost everyday. i'm kinda scared to go to a therapist... i don't know what it will be like. My first appointment is on monday. I don't know what to expect when i go there... I haven't really thought about SIing lately... but my mom wont listen. she's going to make me go no matter what... i kinda want to ask Grace to go with me, but she works a lot and i don't think she'll be able to go... I just don't know what to do right now.... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sun, 1 Jul 2012 11:58am | Hey lost & confused, I'm hearing how nerve-wracking the thought of going to see a therapist has been for you. It sounds like you're really feeling a lot of pressure from your mom to go, and I would guess you're finding the idea more stressful than helpful, especially since you have no idea what it's going to be like! It sounds to me like you're feeling strong right now in your resolve to not SI, and I imagine it's frustrating that your mom won't listen or trust you when you tell her you aren't feeling the urge to SI. I hope that Grace is able to support you with your therapist visit, as it sounds like she continues to be a source of strength and courage that you can tap into; I wonder if maybe you find other ways she can support you even if she's at work and can't go with you, like if she can phone you or write you a letter to read when you get there? Let us know how it goes, lost & confused, and know that we'll be sending you comforting, positive thoughts! Stay connected <3 the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Tue, 3 Jul 2012 11:07pm | well the appointment went okay... i didn't really say anything. My mom just doesn't understand that i don't really want to talk about it. and her pressuring me to go to a therapist and talk about it is only making my stress increase. When my stress increases, the urge to SI becomes bigger and harder to resist.. so in reality, by trying to help me, my mother is actually making everything worse. and when i try to explain that i don't need a therapist, she ignores me! then she doesn't get why i wont talk about it. why should i bother trying to say anything if she wont listen when i need her to. Grace is an amazing person and i am glad to have her as a friend. her and i talk the day before my appointment. and then we talked after it. Just knowing that i can go to her to talk is a comforting thought. i don't know what i would do if i didn't have Grace supporting me through this. i know that she wants me to stop SIing, and i'm trying. i want to stop and Grace is really the only person (other than you guys) that's helping me right now.... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 10 Jul 2012 4:32pm | Hey lost & confused, Thanks for being patient with us through our break, you've been in our thoughts! It sounds like your mom's persistence about seeking help from a therapist is really bearing down on you, and I can hear how aggravating it is when she ignores you telling her it's not helpful for you. I would guess that it's tough to see the point in talking a lot during your appointments if the whole issue is just increasing your stress. I imagine you're feeling more supported when you talk to Grace than when you talk to this therapist! It's been a while since your last appointment, I'm wondering how things have been for you this week? We're back now, and "hear" for you. <3 the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 14 Jul 2012 3:49pm | Things have been alright i guess. nothing has really changed. my mom wants to make another appointment. i don't want to go back... it didn't do anything for me, i just sat there... i try to tell my mom that i don't need to go to a therapist, but she just wont listen to me. i don't know what to do | ||
| Support Team Administrator Wed, 18 Jul 2012 4:23pm | Hey lost & confused, I hear ya that you don't really want to go back to that therapist, it sounds like that's something your mom wants without really considering what YOU want. I'm guessing it's tough to even want to try it out for her if she's not trying to really hear you when you tell her what you need (or don't need!). I imagine it's really stressful to be put in the position where you feel like you have to go to make your mom happy, even though it's taking time up that you could be using to do the things you know work well for you. Can I check in with you about where your SI-ing is at through all this? Take care, and keep connected! the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 22 Jul 2012 9:55pm | i've been trying really hard not to SI, but with everything going on right now...it's nearly impossible. The most recent time was yesterday..i think. i want to stop, i want to get better, but i've just been way too stressed lately... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 24 Jul 2012 7:55pm | Thanks for being honest, lost & confused, it sounds like you'd really feel at peace if you could stop SIing but you're still struggling to find ways to stop yourself. I imagine with all the stress it's making it difficult for you to focus on the things you can normally do to distract yourself from the urge to SI, and I'm a little worried when I think about you SIing when you are stressed, in case you hurt yourself really badly. How comfortable are you feeling with your level of SIing right now...do you feel like you're in control, and can stay safe? Is there anything you've been able to try lately to channel your SI energy into something else to help you cope? I know you've mentioned your mom pressuring you to see a therapist as something that's stressing you out, is there anything else on your mind right now that's stressful? We're "hear" for you, as always... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 28 Jul 2012 8:44pm | right now i think that im in control of my SIing and i pretty sure that i can stay safe. I haven't found anything that has helped channel my SI energy. I've become so frustrated because i haven't been able to find anything to help me. i really want to stop SI, but i can find anything that works... a few other things have me kinda stressed right now. School will be started again soon, so that means i'll have to face the bullies. My parents are still fighting. sometimes i wonder why they are still together. all they do is fight. i can't stand being this stressed. the stress becomes too much, then i SI, but then i get angry with myself because i'm trying to stop. and recently i've thought about committing suicide... it just doesn't seem like anyone cares anymore... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 30 Jul 2012 4:00pm | Oh lost & confused, I am really getting a sense of how hopeless you are feeling. I know you've tried to stop SIing so many times now and keep feeling drawn back to it. I imagine it's one of the only things you can completely control in your life right now, and maybe it gives you comfort to inflict your own pain rather than worry about when other people might inflict emotional pain on you. It sounds like there is a lot of tension in your world, with your parents fighting, and your mom pressuring you, and the thought of school and bullies on the horizon. It sounds like you're caught in a vicious cycle of stress to SIing to anger to stress....I would guess it feels like it will never end. I'm really worried about you to hear that you have been thinking about suicide lately. I remember that you had thoughts about it before...was there anything you were able to do to help you cope with those thoughts in the past? Are you able to talk to Grace or someone else you are close to about these things? I imagine you are in a really dark, lonely headspace right now, and I hate to think of you feeling alone with those thoughts...know that we are here for you and are thinking about you lots <3 the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Thu, 2 Aug 2012 10:09pm | it does feel like a continuous cycle. im counting down the days until school starts. The first day is August 28. i really dont want to go back, i want to stay in the safety of my room. Just a few days ago i found out that my parents are getting a divorce. I kinda saw it coming but it's still hard to handle. so that is adding on to the stress. i just dont know how much more i can take. I dont really know what stopped me from committing suicide before. honestly i think music is the only thing that stopped me. there is always that one song that makes you stop and think about everything. it can make you realize that you aren't alone. i dont really want to talk to grace because i dont want to bother her with what im going through. she has her own life to worry about. there isn't really anyone else that i could talk to about everything. i just feel really alone right now... and i dont know what to do | ||
| Support Team Administrator Fri, 3 Aug 2012 8:41pm | Oof, lost & confused, it sounds like you're feeling crushing pressure from all sides right now. It seems to me like the walls are closing in for you, with one wall being your school coming up, one being your parents' divorce, and one or two walls being your own stress cycle and SIing. I would guess as those walls get bigger and taller and closer in you feel more and more isolated from the people and things in your life that can make you feel better. I imagine it's hard to think that anyone could possibly understand what you are going through right now, and what's going on for you behind those big walls. I am so, so glad that you continue to connect with us lost & confused. I can hear how reluctant you are to weigh anyone close to you down with your thoughts and feelings, especially since I get a sense that those thoughts and feelings are really heavy and dark right now. I want you to know that we here at youthspace are always prepared to hear those things, any time you are feeling alone with your pain know that we are just a click away. Have you used our live chat before? We're online from 6pm-11pm every night except Wednesdays, if you want to have a real time conversation with us we'd love to hear from you (and vice versa, if you're more comfortable posting on the forum, we love to hear from you here too!) I hate to think of you feeling so alone with your thoughts of suicide. Can I ask what kind of thoughts you are having? Do you think about how you would end your life? It sounds like music is a really important part of your life, and I totally know what you mean when one song can just stop you in your tracks and get your thoughts and feelings flowing. What kind of music have you been listening to lately? *hugs* the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Wed, 8 Aug 2012 1:43pm | i'm really happy that i found this website and i am able to talk to you about everything that is going on right now. i have used the live chat before. when i think about suicide, the main thought is 'would anyone really notice?' i wonder if anyone would care if i committed suicide. i never really thought about how i would end my life, i think about what would happen after. if people would be happy, sad, or if they would even notice… if i didn't have music i probably would have committed suicide by now. mainly i've been listening to rock and country music. i noticed how most rap/pop singers sing about money and sex and other things like that. they don't really appreciate what they have, they push their fans away because they don't want to get too close. but rock and country singers are the complete opposite. they want to get closer to their fans because they wouldn't be there without them. and they sing about things that are important. because rock music isn't as popular, the member of rock bands know what it's like to be outcasted by everyone. that's why i like rock and country music more. as the first day of school is growing closer, i am feeling more and more stressed. i just don't know what to expect when i go back. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sat, 11 Aug 2012 7:36pm | We’re so happy you found this website too, and that you’re able to talk about such difficult things here. Your strength through your pain is an inspiration to us, lost and confused, and to our other forum users who are going through similar struggles, and we’re grateful for every post you make here. I can imagine how incredibly lonely you are feeling right now, to have to ask whether anyone would even notice or care if you ended your life. I would guess you’re feeling so disconnected and unsupported by the folks around you right now, as though it would take something really drastic like killing yourself to make them notice what a truly difficult time you’ve been having. I’m wondering whether you’ve made a plan about how you might end your life? I can hear how important music is to you, and how much it is helping you hold on to life right now. What an incredibly insightful thing to say, that rap and pop artists push their fans away with flashy songs about money and sex, and that rock and country artists do the opposite. It’s kind of like rap/pop artists are trying to sing about what they think people want to hear to stay popular, but are missing the mark on what people actually need to hear or what is happening in people’s real lives. It sounds like you can really relate to the feeling of being outcasted, and I imagine hearing those feelings being expressed by rock artists and knowing they’ve been criticized and shut out of the mainstream can help you feel a little less alone. It sounds like you’re terrified of the start of the school year, and I would guess you’ve had some pretty awful experiences in school in the past that would make you feel so stressed and anxious now. I know you’ve talked about being bullied in the past…was there anything you were able to do when that was happening to make things a little less bad? Know that we’ll still be here in September, you can come let us know how it’s going as much as you’d like. Stay connected… the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Wed, 15 Aug 2012 11:44am | i have not made a plan to end my life. honestly, i dont want to but with all the stress with things going on right now i can't help but think about it. Music is my lifesaver. it's the only thing that has helped me. Knowing that rock artists have been outcasted by everyone, and they are still able to live their dream, gives me strength that i can get through this. i dont really know what helped me deal with the bullying and other stress with school... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Thu, 16 Aug 2012 3:36pm | Hey lost&confused, It sounds like on the one hand suicide is always in the back of your mind, while on the other hand there's a significant part of you that is fighting to get through this alive. I imagine thinking about suicide is comforting in a strange way, as it gives you a sense of control at a time when everything else around you is chaotic and anxiety-provoking. Can you promise me that if those thoughts of suicide get stronger and more irgent, you'll check in with us here or in chat? It sounds like you have a powerful connection to rock music, and how rock artists have come from a place of loneliness and isolation to finally being heard and respected while living their dreams. I would guess the strength you gain from listening to those artists has helped you through some of the overwhelming times. Keep connecting through this hard time, lost&confused, you are in our thoughts. the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Mon, 20 Aug 2012 9:34pm | In some strange way, the thought of suicide is kinda comforting... I just wish that I didn't have to go through this. Whenever I'm around someone else I put on an act and pretend that i'm fine, when in reality, I am slowly falling apart. I don't want to hide who I am anymore, but I don't want to be judged... If the thoughts of suicide become worse i will definitely come here. Thank you for all that you have done for me. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Thu, 23 Aug 2012 1:19am | Hey lost&confused, You’ve been through a lot, and I can understand why you might be wishing that it wasn’t that way. Wondering why you have been forced to experience such negativity must be leaving you feeling really alienated and alone. I’m so glad that through all that, you’ve been able to tap into the part of you that still wants to live, and connect with us to plan for safety (thank you for that!). There’s a sense of desperation that I’m getting from you right now....like you feel as though your strength is waning, and you’re starting to have trouble hiding your pain from the people around you. It sounds like you’re really conflicted about that - all at once, you wish that you could have people know and understand the stresses and emotions that you’ve been having, but you also want them to support you in a way that doesn’t start to feel judgemental. I get the sense that it’s hard for you to imagine having to deal with their possible misunderstandings... We’re here beside you as you work through it, lost&confused. <3 Stay strong, The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 2 Sep 2012 9:14pm | my mom wants me to talk to her about everything, but i know that it's pointless because she wont understand. When i tell her that, she always says that same thing 'well, how do you know that.' i am positive that she wont understand because she doesn't know what i'm going through. She's been making me go to a therapist, but i dont want to talk about it. the whole time i'm there i just sit and dont say anything. The other day my parents got into a huge fight. my aunt and her friend were visiting at the time. i can't believe that they were stupid enough to fight while they were sleeping just down the hall. I actually starting crying when i heard them screaming at each other. My sister came down to check on me and i was practically bawling.. i just want everything to stop. i dont understand why this has to happen to me... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 4 Sep 2012 8:05pm | Hi lost & confused, I can hear how hugely tired and frustrated you must be right now. You've mentioned before how you feel like you're just putting on an act, and that behind it you're crumbling... I'm guessing that maybe there's a part of you that wishes that it was easy to talk to your mom or the therapist, but it's being squashed by the feeling that they they won't understand, or even that they might make assumptions about how you're feeling that would be even harder to live with... That's awful about your parents fighting. I can imagine that sometimes all you want to do is close your eyes and have all the conflict and pain disappear, and leave you in peace. I wonder if that's kind of what suicide would be for you? A way to shut it all out - to finally have some peace and respite...? I can really hear how devastating it was to have to listen to your parents fighting so aggressively the other night. It sounds like it really hit your heart, and I imagine that it probably left you feeling emotionally gutted to say the least. :( I can tell that you're trying SO hard to make it through this, lost & confused, and we're here to support you on your path. BIG hug. The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Tue, 18 Sep 2012 5:29pm | i just dont know what to do anymore... i just want it all to end. i just wish things could go back to the way they were. i just can't take all the fighting and all the pressure anymore. i just want to disappear and get away from everything.... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sat, 22 Sep 2012 6:32pm | I hear ya on that feeling of wanting to disappear...I imagine you'd like to duck your head under the blankets and block out everything and everyone. I would guess that the idea of finding that invisible, untouchable place is SO comforting, and SO frustratingly out of reach. You say you'd like things to go back to what they were...what were things like back then? Is there any piece of the past you've been able to carry with you to help guide you through all this stress now? I remember that when you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed like this, you have turned to SI and starving. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most out-of-control, scariest SI you've ever done, and 1 being totally in control and safe, what level is your SIing at now? I hope you've been able to rock out with your favourite tunes, I know music is a big anchor for you when things get really tough. Keep fighting, lost&confused, and stay connected. <3 the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 6 Oct 2012 3:55pm | it's hard to explain what it was like before... I just liked it when there was no fighting, no divorce, nothing. everything is so different now.. my mom, sister, and i are moving into a different house. my brother doesn't even know about the divorce yet! i'm not quite sure what i could take from the past because everything is different, so why bother trying to hold on to something in the past if you know it will never be that way again... As for SIing now... i would say it's about a 4 or 5... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sun, 7 Oct 2012 8:42pm | Hey lost & confused, This is a crazy storm that you’re weathering. Your whole world is being tossed around and turned upside down by fighting and divorce, and you’re being flung around with it, part of changes that you never wanted to see in your family. I can hear how heartbreaking it is to see everything that was familiar and okay be transformed into something new and frightening. I get the sense that your mind just keeps going over everything and questioning why it all had to happen…and why it had to happen to your family. It sounds like there is a large part of your heart that is in mourning for the way that things used to be. Thanks for sharing your level of self-injury. It sounds like the hurt and helplessness that you feel is getting to a point where one of the only things that help to lessen it is SI. Have you been able to find anything else to turn to when you feel this low? On the one hand, I’m hearing some resignation to the way that things are changing, but it also sounds like there’s a lot of stress around moving, and I’m guessing that there’s a part of you that’s wondering how big the changes in your life are going to get… I wonder how you’re feeling about moving to a new place with your mom. Will there be less fighting to listen to? We’re here to be a stable support as you navigate the rocky waves. Hang in there. -The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 14 Oct 2012 8:27am | i haven't been able to find anything other than SIing to help cope with everything right now. it seems like SIing is the only thing that helps.. i really want to stop but with everything going on right now i dont think i can... i dont want to have to turn to SIing every time im stressed. it's definitely going to be different from now on. i hoping that the fighting will stop and everything will calm down once we're moved out. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 16 Oct 2012 9:19pm | Lost & confused, Thanks for being so genuine about your self-injury. It seems like you still have a very difficult relationship with SI…on the one hand, it is such a powerful way of coping with the pressure, but on the flip side, it makes you upset to have to rely on it. I can hear how much you would like to be in a situation where you didn’t feel the need to SI. I remember you said before that the urge to SI always goes up with the stress levels in your life. Does it feel like those levels are still going up for you? Moving sounds like something that’s giving you hope right now. I would guess that there’s probably loads of stress associated with going to live in a new place, but perhaps also a bit of relief. It sounds like you’re hoping for some much-needed peace. :) We’ve got our fingers crossed that things get less stressful for you soon, lost & confused…but we’re also still totally here for support through this tough time. Stay connected, The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Tue, 23 Oct 2012 4:16pm | yeah it does feel like the levels of stress are still going up a little... i'm kinda glad that i'm moving but, i'm not really ready to leave the house just yet. this is the first time that i've every had to move and it's been really hard. also i have to leave my dog at the house because the house that we are renting doesn't allow pets... i just wish for once something good would happen to me... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Thu, 25 Oct 2012 3:56pm | heyy lost & confused, I can hear how unsettling, yet exciting the move is feeling... Id imagine the possibilities are a curiousity to you, but there are also a lot of unknowns, so those can be a bit scary. Im so sad to read you have to leave your dog behind - that must be tough to process :( You mentioned your stress levels are going up a bit and Im wondering what's been helping you deal with the extra stress? How've you been feeling about your urges to SI? Take care of yourself, lost & confused, youre in our thoughts. Stay strong... the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Mon, 29 Oct 2012 10:21pm | sometimes when im really stressed i'll just sit in my room with music playing and just stare at the wall. it kinda helps me clear my head and forget about everything going on. if that doesn't i usually turn to SIing. I'm really trying to stop SIing. listening to music kinda takes my mind away and i sometimes forget about the urges to SI. but sometimes that doesn't work. i've also noticed that im starting to space out in school a lot. like my mind will just starts to wonder. i really dont want to fall behind in my classes, but and cant seem to stop my mind from wondering. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 30 Oct 2012 10:52pm | Hi lost & confused, That’s cool that you’re still using music as a way of directing your mind away from the stress. It sounds almost meditative the way that you describe it! I get the impression that sometimes it’s a really big relief to be able to just sit down and take control for a while by creating that bubble of music… Your feelings are still so tumultuous around SI, hey? It would be incredibly tough to break away from something that has helped you clear your mind in some of the most stressful times you’ve known. It says a lot that you’re trying to find other ways, like music, to help you through the tough moments. How do you feel in those times when you’re able to stop yourself from SIing? It sounds like stress from everything changing suddenly is creeping into all different parts of your life…I get the impression that that might be part of why it’s hard to think about school? I imagine you’re wondering when life might settle down and let you catch your breath for a bit… Big hug, lost & confused. The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 2 Nov 2012 2:54pm | Being able to stop myself from SIing is such a great feeling because it makes me believe that i could actually get through this. Like if i can stop myself one time then i know i can do it again. i really really want to stop but i just can't. At school all i can think about is my home life and everything going on. i just dont know what to do. i just wish i could freeze time, just so i can take a breath and relax. I just want everything to stop for a while. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sun, 4 Nov 2012 1:13pm | Heyy lost & confused, You seem really determined to stop SIing and even though you say you can't... we believe you can! But until then, we hope you are as safe as possible. I imagine that when you're able to stop yourself from SIing, you feel in control of yourself - there's a lot of power in self-control (maybe that's why self-control is so hard to master?) You mentioned music has been helping a bit... Im wondering if you listen to certain songs or groups depending on how your feeling? Has anything else helped you to not SI? I can hear how desperate you are for a break from life... like, if everything and everyone would just stop for a bit, you'd be able to catch your breath. Is there anything else (other than music) that helps you catch your breath and relax? Stay strong lost & confused... we're 'hear' for you! | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 10 Nov 2012 6:19pm | i guess riding my horse helps a little. but because it is getting colder i can't go out to ride as much. so i guess music is the only thing that helps... My mood does have a factor in what type of songs i listen to. i just feel that if i listen to a song that relates to the mood that i'm in, it makes me feel less alone. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Thu, 15 Nov 2012 5:45pm | Hi there lost & confused, It sounds like both riding your horse and listening to music are activities that take your mind off how heavy life feels sometimes... it sucks that you can't ride throughout the winter :( You said "my horse" so Im thinking you have your own horse (that's cool!)? Im wondering, even though you can't ride, do you still spend time with him/her? We challenged you to think of some things that help ease the tremendous stress in your life, and you came up with 2 really great ideas... Im gonna challenge you to discover even more things that help you during hard times. Can you think of anything else that helps ease your hurting? Im wondering if writing helps? We hear how determined you are to not SI and we want to help you get there <3 I'm glad you stay connected here, lost & confused... we care about you! You mentioned that sometimes your music makes you feel less alone... its amazing how different music can impact our mood. I definitely use music to bring me up (I <3 gypsy punk!). I’m glad to hear that music eases things sometimes... anyone/group you find especially helpful? You're in our thoughts, l & c... stay strong, The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 17 Nov 2012 12:06pm | Yes i do have my own horse. she's a gray Quarter horse. Her name is Millie. She's is absolutely the best horse ever! I love her. Even when i cant ride i like to go out and spend time with her. Writing helps a little. it doesn't have as much of an impact as music or my horse by it does help. There's not really one specific artist that i listen to that helps. i usually listen to either rock or country. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 19 Nov 2012 2:59pm | Heyy lost & confused, It sounds like Millie is a really important part of your life - you're so lucky to have a horse! I imagine just being with her... hearing her breathe and snort, her ears and nose twitching... is the best feeling <3 It's neat that you have a few different ways that 'work' to help you feel not so alone and lost sometimes... remember I challenged you to come up with something else ;) ...any ideas? Maybe it isn't something you do now, but always wanted to...? What else might be helpful when things feel too much? We're hear for you... stay connected lost & confused, the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 2 Dec 2012 3:17pm | I can't think of anything else that would help. I've wanted to learn how to play the guitar, but I don't know how much that would help...and I don't have a guitar that I could use.. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Tue, 4 Dec 2012 3:46pm | Hey there lost & confused, Thanks for rising to the challenge of finding other coping strategies. I'm getting the sense that music is a beautiful influence in your life, and can be a source of strength when you are struggling. Cool to hear that you have the desire to learn guitar, and expand your own interaction with music...while you don't have a guitar right now I'm wondering have you thought of any other ways to involve music more deeply in your life? We love hearing about your dreams... <3 the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 8 Dec 2012 6:18pm | no i haven't really thought about other ways to involve music more in my life. Music is the most important thing in my life right now. if i didn't have music i wouldn't be here right now... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 10 Dec 2012 5:57pm | Hey lost & confused, I'm really glad you have your music... and other things that help you feel calm, and hopefully help keep you from SIng. I get the sense things are feeling stressful and you feel like you're hanging on by a thread sometimes... have you been thinking about suicide lately? You mentioned in a previous post that school is really stressful for you, and it sounds like home life can be stressful too... how youre feeling about the xmas break coming up? I hope you're able to have some peace and calm. Take care of yourself lost & confused... we're 'hear' for you. the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 21 Dec 2012 6:15pm | I have been thinking about suicide a little. I'm just glad that I can take a break from school and kind of relax. I finally have some time to catch my breath for a little bit. My mom decided, that because my dad is out of town for the weekend, she was going to bring our dog to our house. I'm so glad that I finally get to see my dog again! | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sat, 22 Dec 2012 6:29pm | lost & confused, Sounds like the holiday break from school will bring a welcome break from life's many stressors. I can only imagine how overwhelming life can be sometimes...seems like sometimes all the pressures pushing down on you become way too much and suicide becomes an option for you. Do you have a plan to end your life? We are here to talk about these thoughts...either here on the forum or over Chat. I can really hear your love and appreciation for your dog. I can truly picture how comforting having your dog in the house is for you. Animals provide such a special sort of nurturing! And I can imagine how hearing those paws clicking around your house would be grounding in moments of chaos. I hope you are enjoying the break from school, and finding time to relax and take care of yourself. We are taking a break this week too, but I look forward to talking more in the new year. <3 the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 30 Dec 2012 10:22pm | Being on break is amazing.Ii am able to just relax and catch my breath. Sadly, breaks is almost over... I do not have a plan to end my life although I have thought about it. I'm trying not to think about it a lot. When I start thinking about suicide, I try to change my thoughts to something else. Because if I think about it too much, I might actually come up with a plan... I really dont want that.. Having my dog over was great. It was so comforting having her around...even if it was only for a couple days. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 31 Dec 2012 9:30pm | Hey lost & confused, It’s cool to hear that you’re enjoying your time off so much. It sounds like it was a much-needed rest, and like you’re grateful to have that time. :) SO awesome to hear that you got some time with your dog. It’s so clear from what you’ve said how much she means to you. I also get the sense that in spite of it being a really short visit (and maybe partly because of that), you really made the most of it, and let yourself enjoy every moment. I’m guessing that she felt like a very loved and pampered dog when it was time to go again... Thanks for telling us how you’re feeling about suicide. I can sense that it’s difficult for you to talk about. I think that your technique of changing your train of thought to other things is excellent. I definitely hear a lot of strength and a powerful desire to keep going in your words, even though life seems to suck sometimes. I really admire that strength. Keep us posted on how the rest of your break and the return to school goes. We’ll be here to listen. And Happy New Year. *cheers* -the Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 4 Jan 10:27pm | The rest of my break was alright. I didn't really do too much. It sucks that I'm back in school again. And to make it worse, finals are coming up soon so now I have to worry about that... I'm just really stressed right now and it seems like I have no one to turn to for help... I just don't know what to do.. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sun, 6 Jan 9:05pm | Hey lost & confused, It sounds like stress came back quickly with a vengeance after the break. The mental image I’m getting is that for a little while, you were able to step off of the treadmill and catch your breath, but that having to go back to school was like being thrown right back on, at high speed. I can hear that the stress is hitting with full force, especially with finals coming up. It must be really hard, on top of all that to feel like you are alone with the pressure that you’re feeling. That makes me glad that you are still able to reach out here and talk… It sounds like that feeling of being lost and confused is very much with you right now. It must seem really hard to keep on top of everything, let alone work at figuring out the future…and I’m concerned that suicide might become more tempting as life gets more difficult towards finals. Do you have any plan for how you might deal with that extra stress? How are you going to care for yourself, l&c? Stay connected! We always like to hear from you. <3 -The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 11 Jan 7:48pm | I really wish I was still on break.. I'm just so stressed right now. With finals and everything with my parents and school.. The only thing that really helps me a lot of stress is music. I am worried that suicide will become more and more tempting... I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with all of this :( I'm just so confused. Please help. I don't know what I should do.. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Sun, 13 Jan 6:42pm | Dear lost & confused, Im thinking that you feel you have exhausted all your resources. I hear you feeling weighted down by the pressures of school, the stresses at home with everything going on with your parents. And I can see that your mind is drifting towards suicide as a way to end your pain, even when you seem to want more out of life. Im scared to hear you so stressed out and feeling hopeless to deal with all that life is throwing at you. Does anyone else know that suicide is on your mind? Im glad you have music to soothe your mind, but I get the sense that you want to find more/new ways to deal with this stress and you’re looking for solutions…what sort of things have you tried so far? Im really glad that you are reaching out for support with all these heavy questions. We want to support you through this lost & confused. If you want to chat in we can help explore some more options for coping. Sending strength, The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Fri, 18 Jan 11:11pm | No one knows that I've thought about suicide... I'm afraid that if I tell someone they just laugh at me and say that I'm just looking for attention... I'm afraid that no one will care. or that they'll say that they wouldn't miss me if I was gone. I always feel like no one really cares about me... That's why I'm so glad that I have this website. I don't know what else I can do to help ease all the stress in my life. Anytime I try to focus on something else my mind just wonders back to everything going on right now.... | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 21 Jan 7:23pm | Hi lost & confused, I can hear how alone you are with your thoughts of suicide, and I’m sensing that it ties into the isolation that you feel elsewhere in your life. It breaks my heart to hear how much you feel like those around you don’t care about you and what you’re going through. Everyone deserves to feel love in their life. I’m so glad you’re reaching out to Youthspace – we truly do care about you. I can hear how hard you’re fighting to find some peace of mind in your life… it sounds like it’s a real challenge to shut your mind off from all the stress. I know we sent you a distractions list earlier in the spring, but I thought I’d send you a different one if you’re interested: http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf. It was designed for self-harm, but it has some neat ideas of ways to practice self-care ( and take time to do things for yourself in order to calm your mind. Is there anything on there that you think could work as a stress release? I know you are really alone with these thoughts of suicide, and I'm so glad you found us too! If you want to share these thoughts with others who get it there is a site called spillnow.com where you can 'get it out there' and receive peer support. We’re rooting for you lost & confused, and here for you to talk. <3 The Support Team | ||
| lost & confused Member Sat, 26 Jan 11:19am | I took a look at the list you sent in the spring and I looked that one you just sent and I think there might be something on them that might help. I'm going to try some of them over the weekend and see if any of them work. Hopefully at least one of them will. You don't understand how much this website means to me. Since I started posting on this site, I've noticed that I've been feeling better about myself. I'm still not happy that I'm self-harming but I'm working on trying to stop. I can feel myself getting better and better every time I post on here. I can't thank you enough for everything you've done to help me. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Mon, 28 Jan 8:39pm | Hey lost and confused That’s great that it seems like the list might help some. It’s definitely one of our favorite resources. Feel free to share on here which ones worked (or didn’t work) for you. I can hear how isolated you feel, especially with regard to suicide, and how grateful you are to have a place where you feel safe to talk and to share your feelings. It totally thrills us to hear that you feel safe here. <3 I get the sense that this road is not easy, and that there plenty of deep puddles and thorny bushes along the way, but that it helps a to have someone walking with you. It’s an honour to be part of your journey. As always, “hear for you”, The Support Team | ||
| Kitzlekraver Member Wed, 30 Jan 5:15pm | Hi Lost & confused. I have seen some of your posts and can't tell you how similar my teen years were. from the SI to my parents fighting to no-one seeing my pain. I'm so glad that you've found this place and tried so many things to stay safe and keep trying to be yourself and be happy. You seem to have such a self awareness that probably helps too. I just want to tell you that it does get better. You are worthwhile and someday you'll be able to find people that recognize that and surround yourself with them. Those people are already out there caring about you -- i'm one and the support staff here are others. I hope you will keep trying to find more, maybe someone that can be with you in person that you can trust to open up to. you say you worry that people will think you're just trying to get attention. I often hear people say that and it's always in a negative way and i don't know why. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting attention. All humans need attention -- I believe its a biological need, not something to be ashamed of. Anyway, I just wanted to say all that and more but i don't want to ramble so basically, i'm proud of you, you're a wonderful, sensitive, intelligent person and you can and will continue to feel better and live happily ever after :) Hugs to you! | ||
| lost & confused Member Sun, 3 Feb 4:48pm | I've been working on trying some of the distractions on the website that you gave me, and a couple of them actually helped me a little. I've always wanted to learn to play the guitar so I'm working on teaching myself that and it's been taking up a lot of my free time so I've been distracted a lot. Also there is a contest that a college near by is holding, and I'm entering in that so that's also kept me busy. I've been going outside and walking around when I get stressed as well. I'm really proud of myself, because I haven't SI since I last posted on here. Kitzlekraver: Thank you for the kind words. I'm working on changing my life around and reading your post on here has given me hope that I can do it. Your post has given me the strength that I so desperately needed , so once again thank you! | ||
| Kitzlekraver Member Sun, 3 Feb 7:48pm | That's great to hear. I also took up guitar and have just recently started to play the fiddle. Where I live there are free or cheap drop-in jam sessions for folk and bluegrass music. It gives me an opportunity to get out and play and get tips about playing from others. Having something to be passionate about is great. | ||
| Support Team Administrator Wed, 6 Feb 7:29pm | Hey lost & confused, I am so happy to hear that you have been feeling strong enough to resist the urge to SI...we are also SO proud of you! I know that you have been struggling with the urges to SI for a long time, and I would imagine it's a relief to find it finally has less power over you. It sounds like you have been building your distractions and supports to keep you busy and motivated to help fighting off the darkness. Know that we are still here for you wherever you're at in your journey, and that you mean a lot to us too <3 Kitzlekraver, thank you so much for your supportive words, it's wonderful to see folks helping each other out on this forum! You rock! the Support Team | ||
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