Topics
Suicide
by The Support Team
Suicide is one of those prickly subjects most of us feel uncomfortable talking about. How do you tell someone you’re having thoughts of suicide? How do you bring up your concerns that someone you care about might be thinking of taking their life? How do we even make sense of why people think of suicide in the first place? Let’s start there…
Crisis
We all have things in our life that we count on to be constant – school, friends, health, self-esteem, spirituality, family, money, purpose, productivity, motivation, hobbies, etc. This list represents "ways of coping", and everybody’s list looks different depending on their individual selves and environmental influences. What happens when crisis knocks on our door uninvited? Maybe crisis shows up as a failed course in school, or the death of a loved one, or a car accident, or a break-up. Sometimes crisis can show up in lots of different ways at once, leaving us feeling confused, helpless, overwhelmed and angry. When we are in a state of crisis it often means that friends and family fall by the wayside, we lose our motivation to be productive, and we lose the energy to feel good about ourselves and engage with people and activities that help us to feel good about ourselves.
What does a crisis state look like? How can you tell if someone you care about is in crisis? It might look like:
• Sad and depressed mood
• Disturbance in sleeping and eating patterns
• Irritability
• Anxiousness
• Withdrawal from people and activities
• Changes in usual behaviour
• Increase in substance use/self-harming behaviourWith support from others and an increase in ways of coping, crisis will pass. If left alone, a state of crisis can become so overwhelming that a person might start to think of suicide as the only way to escape.
Suicidal Clues
Crisis alone does not mean someone will become suicidal. Imagine crisis as a deep, dark hole in the ground. What might it feel like to be stuck in that pit? How difficult might it seem to get out of that pit? For someone already in crisis, in the bottom of this pit, it doesn’t take much more to sink deeper and deeper into the hole. At the bottom of the pit, it looks near impossible to get out – this is where someone in desperation may see suicide as the only way out of their pain in the bottom of that lonely pit.
How can we tell that someone might be thinking about suicide? What kinds of clues might we pick up on?
- Emotional – tearful, sullen, withdrawn; feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and self-hatred; mood change (depressed to elated or vice versa)
- Behavioural – giving away favourite possessions; settling affairs or saying goodbye; becoming immersed in music, art and poetry that depicts themes of pain and death
- Verbal – makes no reference to future plans; says things like "people would be better off without me" or "nobody would care if I wasn’t around"; questions identity by saying "I don’t even know who I am" and "I’m different and I don’t fit in anywhere"
It might be scary to recognize some of these signs in yourself, or to notice that someone you care about is displaying some of the behaviours mentioned above. Once we’ve recognized that there’s a reason to be worried, what do we do?
What Can You Do?
One of the major reasons why people feel like suicide is the only answer to their problem is because they don’t feel well connected to people that care - and worse, they might even feel as though they’re a burden on others around them. One of the most important ways to provide support to someone who is suicidal is by giving them the space to feel heard and validated without judgment.
How do we bring up the topic of suicide to someone we’re concerned about in the first place?
- Ask – "I’ve been noticing ___ since ___ happened and I’m really worried about you. I’m wondering if you’ve been thinking of ending your life?" Asking directly about suicide can feel terrifying and uncomfortable, but is the only way to let the person know we’re a safe person to talk about it with.
- Connect – "I’m here for you, you can tell me what’s going on for you." Listening with empathy and without judgment builds trust and rapport while decreasing the sense of isolation and fear.
- Tell – "I can’t promise to keep this a secret, but together we can talk to somebody who can help us." We always have to tell a trusted adult when someone is thinking about suicide, and sometimes it might take more than one try to get the help we need.
Supporting someone you care about through a suicidal crisis is stressful, and it’s important to remember that you need support too! Taking care of yourself is necessary before you can take care of others.
What if I’m the one thinking about suicide? How do I tell someone about my thoughts, feelings and plans? Tips:
Try telling The Support Team at Youthspace first. They can provide you with emotional support, explore your thoughts about telling someone you trust, and find some community resources where you can seek help. Create a list of ideal qualities in a listener. Think of people in your life who might have some or all of those qualities – they might be the ones you feel most safe talking to. Write your thoughts and feelings out in a letter or journal entry. Sometimes writing helps us to organize our thoughts before we speak them out loud. Practice with a friend before telling an adult. It can help you feel less alone to make a plan with someone else, and give you the opportunity to try different approaches. Remember that you may have to try multiple times with different people. Since this is a difficult topic for most people, not everyone may know how to respond to you – not because they don’t want to help you, but because they don’t know how. You can help them by telling them what you need.
Local Resources
NEED Crisis & Information Line 250-386-6323
BC Ministry of Children and Family Development – Project Alive 250-952-5073
Living and Learning Through Loss www.teenloss.com
The F.O.R.C.E Society for Kid’s Mental Health HYPERLINK "http://www.bckidsmentalhealth.org/"HYPERLINK "http://www.bckidsmentalhealth.org"www.bckidsmentalhealth.orgAdditional
Resources
NEED Crisis & Information Line HYPERLINK "http://www.needcrisis.bc.ca/html/suicide/suicide_info.htm"HYPERLINK "http://www.needcrisis.bc.ca/html/suicide/suicide_info.htm"www.needcrisis.bc.ca/html/suicide/suicide_info.htmYouth
Suicide Prevention Website HYPERLINK "http://www.youthsuicide.ca/"HYPERLINK "http://www.youthsuicide.ca"www.youthsuicide.ca
Beyond Blue HYPERLINK "http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx"http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspxCanadian Association for Suicide Prevention HYPERLINK "http://www.casp-acps.ca/crisiscentres.asphttp://www.casp-acps.ca/crisiscentres.asp
How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me" – Susan Rose Blauner
"Touched By Suicide: Hope and Healing After Loss" – Michael Myers & Carla Fine