I am a very proud and independent person so looking up forums or sites like these is highly irregular for me. Mainly, I just wanted some insight on my habits – whether they are uncommon or widely shared – and thoughts. For six years now I have been craving some kind of something in my life to get better yet every time I start to feel happy, I drag myself down again with guilt and anger that this world is such a horrible place to live in – Syria, third world children so starved they more closely resemble skeletons than actual children – I don’t feel bad for myself though. I have a loving family, a job, food to eat, a place to live, so much more than most but all that I am blessed with just can’t seem to quiet the urge to free myself from this life. Recently, I changed where I self-harm* because it is less likely that someone will discover my tendencies. Also, and I find this rather odd about myself, when I read other peoples messages about how they struggle with not killing themselves, I feel myself become angered and ill willed toward them. They come off as weak and whiny which makes me the biggest hypocrite because here I am, whining and fishing for sympathy like some pathetic jerk. Yes I have my own issues but I deal with them alone, by myself, the way I always have. But I haven’t wanted to kill myself for six years because I can’t handle a little inner turmoil. I’ve wanted to kill myself for six years because I can’t handle this god forsaken planet. How can I be happy when there are so many who suffer. Anyone who can call themselves happy is really just ignorant and wearing a blindfold! I have opened my eyes to the world and seen it for what it really is. I guess I am just getting a little tired and want to know how crazy I sound. Who knows.

*Edited by Support Team for triggering content