March 20, 2016 at 5:45 pm #22697
I won’t talk about my past struggles, but at this current moment, I’m literally losing myself. I try to convince myself that what I’m going through is a direct effect of my depression, isolating myself at home for ages, eating disorders, and so much more. But it’s getting really scary.. I used to be one of the most positive and mentally strong human beings on earth.. But now I’ve been stuck in this vicious cycle where I feel like this is all a dream. I’m doubting my whole life, even my own existence. Mainly, I feel spacey from the moment I wake up till the moment I can finally sleep. I have constant fears each night.. My negative thoughts are endless too. I could talk forever about my agony.. As much as I remember, I’m a gorgeous human being. But where has my strength gone?
Time is passing by and I’m getting much more worse. My loneliness was my own choice. I couldn’t accept my friends any longer cause I was at war with myself.. It’s funny how I created my own prison too. This house made me lose my mind a million times before. Omg.. I have so much physical pain too. My family members are worried.. but they don’t understand how does it feel to wake up every morning with no ounce of energy to lift yourself off that bed. All I need is to experience sunlight again.. I want to live and not just die..
March 22, 2016 at 11:31 pm #22702
Welcome to the Youthspace.ca forums. I sense desperation in your words; as if you are grasping for the inner strength that once was so prevalent in you, but are having difficulty seeing through your struggles to a brighter place. I hear how frustrated you are that you feel like you are no longer the positive, strong person you once were and how you are trying to understand why you are so stuck in agony. Though there is a part of you that is rationalizing your pain to be related to your depression, it sounds like that’s getting harder and harder to believe as things continue to feel more detached and unreal. Beyond that, I hear also how you’re experiencing an overwhelming sense of fear that is making it difficult to live in your day to day life.
Your situation at home seems to be further exhausting you and I’m hearing how you blame yourself for the isolation and loneliness that you feel. It sounds to me like though your family members are supportive, you feel like they cannot relate to (or see?) the depth of pain that you are coping with. I imagine that feeling alone in fighting the pain and darkness is incredibly difficult and I am glad you came on to Youthspace for support. We are here for you, as a helping hand to help you on your journey towards that sunlight that you are craving.
<3 The Support Team
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