August 23, 2013 at 3:18 am #16417
I think I’m really awkward to be around, and I have no idea what to do about it. It’s like I want to be able to be relaxed and joke around like everyone does, but I can’t seem to ever be funny enough, or smart enough to do it. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I’m just going to always be behind everyone. I’ll probably graduate and not be accepted into university, and then just spend the rest of my life working at mcdonalds or something. I’m just not good enough. It’s like when humans were made, I was the dud in the batch, the one that nobody wants to talk about….idk. I guess I just don’t want to go back to school, where nobody really gets me, or gives a damn if I am there or not. Sometimes I can’t even stand FB, because I look at other peoples profiles, and feel so unimpressive and uninteresting compared to them. I end up being jealous and sad for the rest of the night.
I know this whole thing sounds really self-pitying. Honestly I don’t always feel so pathetic, but sometimes (often lately) I feel so down and worthless, and my mind gets stuck in these stupid cycles of hate….
August 24, 2013 at 5:39 am #18840
Hello Lonely Oryx, welcome to youthspace.
I’m glad you reached out here in the midst of all of the emotional turbulence that you’re feeling. I get the sense that a lot of the pressure of feeling like an outsider might be coming up for you right now with the approach of school. I can hear how awful a place it seems when you can’t seem to keep up and feel like you belong with the people around you. Sounds like you feel pretty worthless and hurt sometimes, when you look at other people (and their Facebook pages) and see yourself as unworthy in comparison. That must be a horrible sensation.
You don’t sound self-pitying to me. To me, it sounds like you are having a lot of trouble feeling any kind of self-esteem, and wondering what the future might look like if that feeling keeps dogging you. I would imagine that sometimes it’s hard to find any hope. Do you ever have thoughts of suicide when you are in these “cycles of hate”?
We’re here for ya, LonelyOryx. It sounds like a rough time right now.
-The Support Team
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.