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  • #16478

    I don’t know any guys. It’s starting to scare me for the future. I go to a all girl school and the guys my friends know aren’t very nice or are infatuated by my friend. I’m starting to worry about my future
    What if I never meet anyone
    I want to meet people this summer too but another reason why I don’t have any friends of the opposite gender might be because I find it really difficult to socialise with people.
    I don’t know how to meet people
    I don’t have any male friends
    I’m scared to go out of my comfort zone.
    Or it might be because I think I might be bi. I don’t know.

  • #19211
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Eddiebasset99,

    Welcome to our forum and thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with us.

    I can hear how worried you are about your relationships and how hopeless you feel about them in your future. Also, I hear how afraid you are of being “Forever alone”. Seems like you feel a lot of pressure to find someone soon or else it might be too late.

    It sounds like you experience anxiety when faced with unfamiliar social situations and avoiding them feels a lot safer right now. I get the sense that you really want to break free of the fear that is holding you back from achieving the type of relationships that you want and to feel comfortable out of your comfort zone. I imagine that you are feeling very lonely and isolated, which probably doesn’t help with the anxiety either when you try to be social:(.

    I can hear how confused you feel as to what might be the cause of the fear and anxiety. It seems like the idea of possibly being bi might contribute to some of your anxiety:(. I am wondering if this is something that you just started exploring or if it has been on your mind for some time?

    Please know that we are here for emotional support every night 6-11pm PST if you want to talk to someone live.

    <3
    Youthspace

  • #19212

    It’s been on my mind for about a year or so. I find it awkward around my friends (who are girls) because I’m scared if they find out that they’ll be scared and rebuff me or something, the people in my class aren’t exactly accepting of gay/lez people. It’s awkward because I have a crush on my BFF but she lives in Europe and I moved away. I used to know loads of people in Europe but I haven’t been able to find anyone that I really connect with, and the people who I think I would get on with aren’t interested or are already dating someone else. Everyone else in my class have dated pretty much. I had my first kiss at the school dance, it turned out later the guy was a uni student :O. I only danced with 2 people while my friends danced with heaps of people.
    I don’t understand.

  • #19213
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi EddieBasset99,

    I can hear that your sexuality has been something you’ve questioned over the past year and that you’ve got a lot of fear around how it would be perceived by your friends if you tried to share these questions with them. I’d imagine that it would be really intimidating to reach out and ask for help in finding who you really are when there seems to be a chance that you could be cast out for being that person.

    I get the sense that things in Europe were quite different for you than they are in your new place — like you felt a real connection to the people you were surrounded with there and even felt some chemistry with your BFF. I’d guess it’s tough to be so far away from those people, especially her, and that it could be more isolating to know that there are places where you are able to connect better than where you are now.

    It sounds as though the school dance really put things in perspective for you with your friends having the opportunity to dance with many people while you only had two dance partners. When you mention your first kiss I get the sense that you were surprised to learn that the guy was in university but I’m not sure whether your :O face means you were surprised in a positive or negative way… I wonder if you’d like to share more about that?
    It really seems as though this is a confusing time for you EddieBasset99, and I’m really glad that you’ve found our forum to share your story with us. We are here to support you.

    <3 Youthspace

  • #19214

    The :O face was sort of in disgust because why else would a university student want to take advantage of a highschool student? I was scared when I found out, especially because it was kinda disgusting when he leaned in, tongue and all. I just wanted it to stop but I don’t know how to get the heck away from him. In Europe everyone was really closely knit but because I go to an all girls school there is so much drama going on and I don’t really connect with anyone. Also I don’t think my friend in Europe that I had a crush on would accept me. Sure we’ve been friends for almost 12 years but it would be hard and I wouldn’t be able to tell her ever. It’s especially hard to adjust because I’ve been here for three years and I’ve got another three to go before I move back. I’m still not happy here. I think the move took away a lot of my childishness because everyone goes on about how I don’t smile enough and I’m far too serious. It’s just I have a very particular sense of humor. They don’t understand and this is the reason I can’t form any relationships with them. I’m curious to make new friends this summer, to attempt to get out of my comfort zone, because most of my friends have dated. When I did tell my friend that I was probably bi she screamed and ran away like I was diseased, later I lied saying that it was a joke so now nobody thinks anything of it.
    I’m scared that if I do date a guy he’ll be reluctant or something because there is more people for me to choose from.
    I don’t know whether this is just my age group or what.

  • #19215
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Eddiebasset99,

    I am so sorry to hear that happened to you, Eddiebasset99. It sounds as if you found the guy at the dance disrespectful of your boundaries and his advances grossed you out. No one should ever touch us (or keep touching us) unless we want them to. You also mentioned that you’re unnerved by the age difference between the two of you and this concerns me too. I wondered if you have shared how you felt about this with anyone else in your life?

    I get the sense Europe is still your real home and that you miss both the culture and your friends there a lot. I imagine it would be lonely to have no one around who gets your sense of humour. It sounds like that has intensified your longing for the kind of connection you had with your friends in Europe. To have someone in your life who really gets you.

    I can imagine how painful it was to tell your friend about how you’re probably bisexual and have her respond in that way. I’m guessing it took a lot for you to open up to her and now, given her reaction, you feel worried about sharing your thoughts on your sexuality with all the other people in your life. I imagine that would create a feeling of distance between you and your friends…and also make you wonder how guys may react in the future if they hear. The fact that she responded by acting like you were diseased has left you feeling like you should hide your questioning about your own sexuality. That’s a feeling that nobody should have, and I’m glad that you decided to talk it out here. For the record, youthspace.ca is a completely safe place to talk about your confusion/worries/hopes as you sort things out (especially in chat, where things are slightly more confidential). We’re here for you. <3

    When you say you’re curious about making new friends this summer, I picture you on the cusp of an adventure, like you’re almost ready to bust out of your comfort zone but you’ve still got a little sussing out of the situation to do first. It seems as though this both a hard and complicated time, and perhaps the beginning of something new and exciting?

    Youthspace

  • #19216

    No, I am scared to tell my friend IN CASE she reacts this way. I am thinking of joining cadets or going to a youth group or something. The sad thing is that many people from my family visit me where I live and always say why do you love London so much it’s so beautiful here, but I like the bustle of it and it’s where I grew up and where all my friends are. I told my mum about the boy and she complained to the school. I think they upped the security a bit.

    Do you have any suggestions on where I can socialise?

  • #19217
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Eddiebasset99,

    I can really hear how scary it is for you to think about sharing your sexuality with your friend with the possibility that she might react negatively… I think you mentioned in an earlier post that you’d shared this with another friend and she had reacted by pushing you away, is that right? I would imagine that one rejection could make the idea of opening up to someone that you truly feel you have some chemistry and the possibility of romance with even more daunting than it might have been before.

    It sounds like your family think you’ve found something really special here but that there is something about this new place that can’t quite live up to the energy of London and the people you left behind there. I can hear that you’re really hoping that joining some activities might allow you to connect with others and find those relationships you’ve been craving… if you’d like to brainstorm some ideas about where you might socialize we would be happy to chat with you on our live chat, 6-11pm PST nightly.

    I’m really glad to hear that you reached out to your mum around what happened to you at the dance and that steps have been taken to prevent you or anyone else from being subjected to something like that again. I get the sense though that helping to prevent a reoccurrence doesn’t necessarily mean that you are at peace with what happened to you. This is definitely a safe place to unpack any feelings that you might still be having around your first kiss being with someone that you felt deceived by.

    We are here to support you <3
    Youthspace

  • #19290

    Harith
    Member

    Hi,,

    I came to Canada 2 years ago, and I can’t seem to get along with people, I actually had a hard time getting along with people back home as well, but I at least had my family with me, but when I came here with no one, I am feeling so lonely, I am spending the weekends alone, I am happy that I have a job and spend the weekdays in the job, but really no one close that I can hang out with, have dinner with, or simply do anything with. Please help me to get through this, I need a better social life in Canada, *.

    *Content removed by Youthspace team for identifying information.

  • #19291
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Harith,

    Welcome to youthspace.ca, and to our forum.

    We’re interested in your story, and happy you’ve shared it! But we have moved it to a different place in our forum, just so that Eddiebasset99 doesn’t get a notification for every response, since your message didn’t really connect with what she had to say.

    Please go here to see our reply, and to keep the conversation going (Relationships & Family -> “Meeting People”): http://youthspace.ca/index.php?action=browse_messageboard&new_subject=1915443¤t_board=16

    Thanks for understanding!
    -Youthspace

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