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  • #16352

    missavery
    Member

    hi. im c*
    i live in victoria with my dad and my boyfriend h*
    i’ve been in and out of my house because of my dads beliefs of my life becoming a downward spiral…i recently found out i have FASD, i’ve smoked weed to cope with hard times with dad and he does not drink or smoke at all…he has different ways on looking at things,hes only seen the bad stuff out of alcohol and weed. the story’s hes told me are messed up but by him telling me i’ve known what to look out for. i have left my dads place plenty of times because of his poor ways of communicating and i chose the streets instead of being at home,when i was on the streets last…it was 11 months ago and it was because dad found out i smoked weed…it was stupid but i left because i hate his long and tedious “talks”. i was staying at the shelter when it got cold out,they fed me and gave me a safe place to sleep. i camped out with friends for a while and then i found h* <3 he left his home town to come to victoria,
    i slowly became friends with him and it turned out to be a relationship but when were on the streets together we panhandled for food and our weed, he protected me from all bad things that the streets thrived with…crackheads and drunk assholes. today we both live together with dad and he harasses us for money every week…we count the days till we move out but for now were working on getting money for “the move out” dad is being left in the dark about our plan.
    i hope somebody hears my plea
    im c* and i live in victoria BC

    *names removed by the Support Team to protect anonymity

  • #18393
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi there missavery (or c*?),

    It sounds like you’re a person with some plans! I get the sense that you’re someone who really craves independence, and that you’ve got a pretty good idea about who you are and what you’d like. From the way that you talk about getting out of your dad’s place, I can hear your frustration with him, and how tired you are of having to listen to lectures about your lifestyle. I imagine you might feel pretty misunderstood when he lectures you about his experiences with drugs without really seeing that you take a different approach to them altogether…

    h* is a steady support for you, by the sounds of it. I’m guessing that it must be special to have found someone who shares some of your dreams and was able to keep you safe on the streets without taking away that independence. :)

    I’m curious what you mean about your “plea”. What I am hearing is a call for understanding from people, and for someone to care. I wanted to check that I wasn’t missing some other meaning that you might have had when you wrote that.

    Thanks for posting, c*. This is a time filled with change and perhaps some uneasiness for you. We’re here to lend an understanding ear!

    The Support Team

  • #18402

    missavery
    Member

    yes my plans are pretty straight forward…my dad might not like my decisions but i stand strong for what i believe in.
    I have been craving independence since i was 15 turning 16
    when my mother began drinking,when she had 11 years of staying away from drugs and alcohol…it was the worst days ever i learned to look after myself by stealing from stores for food, i depended on my ex boyfriend at the time for shelter when my mom threw mad party’s at our house. I lived like this for two years,but when my mom decides to move away unexpectedly we were left to live on the streets and it was winter when she left with all our belongings…so we were left with nothing so we left victoria and went to Vancouver for ten mounths and i broke up with him shortly after i arrived back in vic.today my house life slowly crumbled with my dad after he heard i smoke weed to calm down with anger and frustration problems but he would never understand how i use cannibis for medicinal reasons.
    my relationship with my current boyfriend is pretty steady and simple…i love him alot,when me and him met i was on the streets. now we both moved in back at my place in brentwood with my dad, while a few mistakes here and there resulted in dads behaviour was slightly more strict more around the money department…although i work hard on keeping the house clean i barly get rewarded for it…so im broke all the time and still a little snapy around dad, even when i dont mean it he thinks i have an attitude problem. i hope everything fallows through with me getting my money situation straight and me and my bf can finally move out into our own place, maybe dad could probbly appreciate me and my bf’s decent hard work around the house once were gone. i dont think he would be able to take care of everything around the house while hes doing his art work and going to art shows around victoria…only time will tell,this whole plan will show who can uphold spacific lifestyles in a legitimate way…

  • #18404
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey missavery,
    Your writing gives me a sense of how determined you are to improve things for yourself and I wanna thank you for sharing your thoughts with us here, as you go thru this journey. I hope it’s cool that I reply to both your posts under this thread.

    I totally admire your desire to find independence. I’m really hearing how important freedom is to you, and am thinking that you feel your freedom is limited living with your dad. I’m also wondering if you feel a need to prove yourself to your dad, show him how capable you are by living alone and supporting yourself?

    I get the idea that living at home has caused you a lot of grief, you and your boyfriend do a lot for your father and yet your relationship with your dad seems to be on thin ice. I’m thinking it might be a really stressful environment to be living in, with your dad disapproving of your smoking weed and drinking. Can you explain what you mean by “today my house life slowly crumbled”?

    I can hear that your boyfriend has been a very strong support to you over this tumultuous time, and I’m thinking that the love you share has grown as you support each other thru these daily challenges. I get the sense that you feel really safe with your bf, and I’m imagining that he feels like a rock for you, a constant in a world full of chaos.

    Know that we are here for you too, to listen as you navigate this chaos.
    <3 The Support Team

  • #18406

    missavery
    Member

    thank you very much for your understanding, yes it is okay to respond on this thread. it feels good to hear that someone can see my true potential, my freedom means alot to me since i was 16 when i began bouncing around on the streets and home
    but i know now im better then that! me and my bf will not go back to the streets. yes my freedoms were prefect when i first came back to my dad from vancouver…after a few years its stooped alot and we get into more arguments and it results into loud yelling matches. and again yes i do feel like i have to prove myself to my dad :( sounds a little depressing having to go through great lenghts to get your own fathers acceptance or approval :( . our relationship was fine untill he began finding out i drink once ina while and i smoke weed :( ever since then hes barly accepted me as his daughter :( it hurts when he frames me as a drug addict and an alcholic :( im nowhere near any of those things :(, my boyfriend is the only one who really believes that i will truly make things work out and i am strong and im not a messed up kid :) he makes my day extra bright even when people try to bring me down with they’re against my actions or decisions. when i say “my house life has slowly crumbled” it used to be perfect at one point but when he found out i smoke weed and i drink very once in a while he was being less generous on many levels. my boyfriend truly makes an effert to keep me happy even when i got in yelling matches with my dad, he is very protective but gentle at heart…he works hard on the job,hes roofing right now during the week so i’ve tryed to convince him that all his hard work will always be rewarded :) he is happy to get weekly cheques so we can go shopping together and got out for lunch :) im very happy with my bf
    thanks for hearing what i have to say
    im glad someone hears me

  • #18409
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey missavery,

    I’m glad that you’re feeling supported, and that you feel comfortable sharing your story here. :)

    I’m getting an inkling of how divided you home life is; it’s clear that your boyfriend is a grand support and companion, but it sounds like you and your dad have hit a rocky patch in your relationship. I’m hearing that you two used to be much closer, and that the issue of drugs has really built a fence in between you… I can understand why it hurts to think that you would have to try so hard to win his approval when you feel like you’ve been working so hard and doing so much for him…

    I can hear how stung you are by your dad’s judgment of you, and I get the sense that you feel like it’s unfair as well, since his experiences with drugs were so different from what you have had. I can hear how important freedom and independence are to you, and I’m guessing that you also crave his respect. When you work hard to be in control of your life, it must be disappointing to feel like that effort goes unnoticed, or is overshadowed by his perceptions about drug use. I get the sense that you care deeply about your dad, and want to find a way to show him how independent and resilient you are without having to distance yourself from him entirely. You sound totally grounded and confident in your abilities, missavery. I can understand how it would be incredibly frustrating to think that someone you care about so much might not see any of that.

    Wonderful that your boyfriend is such a sensitive and helpful support. :) It’s beautiful to read how grateful you are to have him with you as you sort through everything with your dad. I get the sense that he’s the safe haven for you in the storm.

    We’re happy that you’re feeling heard! We’re totally here to be the listening ears.

    Smiles,
    The Support Team

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