February 12, 2014 at 3:26 am #16458
Hi ** I’m non binary, meaning I don’t fit into a specific gender. I’m a happy lesbian and with a long distance relationship with a girl in America. Lately I’ve been feeling unwanted at home, the feelings started after I told my parents I was a lesbian and informed them of the fact I was non binary. I feel like I’m not wanted by anyone and no ones going to miss me if I kill myself… I feel like I’m never going to do anything with my life and I’m bullied about my sexuality. School scares me and I feel unsafe outside of my house. I try not to speak up at school because I don’t want people to hate me for my opinions. I feel like an outcast everywhere and I sometimes feel like I’m an outcast with my friends…. I don’t know what to do I just want out of these feelings. I’ve been self-harming* myself for four years and my family know only of the scars on my arms not of the ones on my legs and other places. I’m scared to kill myself and I don’t want people to worry about me but I feel like I can’t do anything… I have these voices in my head pushing me to hang myself and I find myself crying myself to sleep, even after talking with my girlfriend… I just don’t fit in anywhere and I hate depressing people so I hide my feelings behind a false smile but I do not know how much longer I can go with faking my happiness….
**edited by the Support Team for identifying information
* edited by the Support Team to remove triggering content
February 15, 2014 at 2:40 am #19086
First of all welcome to our forum and thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. It seems as though you’re in a very lonely place since you’ve shared your sexuality with your parents and experienced bullying for being who you are.
It sounds like you’ve run out of safe places when school and the outside world are scary and your home is no longer a sanctuary from the world. I get the sense that you feel very supported by your girlfriend even though she is physically far away from you.
I can really hear how hidden your pain is — both physically with the scars on your legs and emotionally as you smile despite your desperation. I imagine it would be exhausting to put so much energy into seeming alright while the waves of hurt continuously crash down over you.
I’m hearing that suicide is a very real possibility for you and that’s really scary. I get the sense that you haven’t reached out to anyone to let them know how you’re feeling but I wonder if there is anyone that can support you through this dark time? We are here to support you Nessa — and we also have our live chat every night 6-11pm PST (and until midnight Fridays and Saturdays) if you want to chat with us and get an immediate response.
We are here for you Nessa as long as you need us
The Support Team
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