January 8, 2015 at 4:13 am #16496
Hey, so first off, I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to listen to me, it means a lot.
So, I don’t feel intensely negative lately, more so, reasonably perturbed. Last year, I graduated high school, and I am currently taking a gap year, but it’s long past due that I start looking into universities. I do want to go to post-secondary, but I’m finding myself hesitant and ignorant on what exactly I want to do for the rest of my life. I understand that this is a common problem for most young adults, and people say “It’ll all work out” but that doesn’t make me feel better.
You know, it would be easy for me to go out and follow my dreams and become who I want to be. What is not easy, however, is determining who I want to be in the future, when I don’t even know who I am now. I’d say I’m a moderately intellectual girl, I’m sound in math, fair in science, good in arts, fine in literature, and you’d think I’d have things figured all out, but I don’t. People say that I’m a smart girl, but I can’t, for the life of me, find that intellect while thinking of my future, my mind goes blank. If I knew who I wanted to be in this world, I would fight to the end of my life, to become that, my problem is not lack of effort, just lack of a destination. I think part of my problem is that I like so many subjects, science, more closely, biology and botany, art, literature, philosophy, social and geography studies, history and anthropology. I like all these things but to pick one to focus on in my career is almost impossible. My best bet would be to become a teacher and teach all of these things but where I live, teachers are in full supply, and I have little interest in moving too far from home.
Anyway, I suppose this was just a rant for me to get off my chest, but I still haven’t a clue what my future holds, I suppose I just want to be happy in what I’d be doing everyday, I just want to be happy with who I am and what I’m doing for the world. My mind goes to a fantasy of being as wise as Maya Angelou and as brave as Malala Yousafzai, and as knowledgeable as Alan Watts, and wishing that I could help the world as much as they have and other’s like them have. But the realistic side of me shuts down all of that thinking, and guides me to the life of an accountant, secretary, librarian, all important jobs but not what most dream about.
January 10, 2015 at 4:45 am #19286
I’m glad you posted. From what you’ve said here, you strike me as a person who is inspired by and curious about life and all it has to offer. I imagine having such wide ranging interests that it could feel paralyzing knowing which way to go. Like having a menu full of desserts you love and feeling as if you can only pick one! Sometimes when that happens, you might end up not want wanting to pick any dessert at all because it can feel as if choosing one means losing out on all the other delicious desserts. I get the sense you’d rather order a taster platter full of desserts and try out a few bites before you make up your mind.
I admire that you want to be a good, knowledgeable and dynamic person and make a difference in the world. It sounds as though right now you feel torn between pursuing a big life and something a little more ordinary. I get the sense you’re not sure what a brave and wise life might look like on a smaller scale than the famous lives of Malala Yousafzai or Maya Angelou.
Not knowing what direction your life might go in sounds like it would be a little nerve wracking especially with the stress of a time line for applying for university. It can be scary to be facing the unknown, overwhelmed with all these choices and at the same time maybe a little exhilarating too, because of all the possibilities the future holds?
We’re here for you as you continue to explore your options. Stay in touch.
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