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  • #22481

    Drowning
    Participant

    I hate it. I want to being out there doing stuff. I love my job but even that is to much. My anxiety is like this thing that is holding me down refusing to let me be. On a good day, there I will be happy thinking about work, I can leave the house, walk to work, and then BAM it all starts. The spinning, racing thought. I cant make them stop. I just want them to stop.
    Today I had three, yes THREE, panic attacks. On moment I am fine chatting with a friend and the next I can’t breath, my mind racing and anxiety taking over. I fight back, manage to calm done, but it feels useless because it always comes back. *sigh* Its just not fair. My friends can go out, go to work, smile, be happy, live, but me oh no not me. I try but this stupid anxiety monster thing grabs on to me and say “nope. you don’t get to do that” and then I don’t. I don’t get a choice.
    this sucks.

  • #22488
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Welcome to the Youthspace Forums, Drowning, we’re really glad you’re here.

    I am sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time at the moment.

    My impression is you really want to be living the big, full life you deserve and are crushed that the anxiety keeps getting in the way. I get that it would be really difficult to look around and see your friends going through life without having to deal with all the anxiety that you do.

    It sounds like you’re getting fed up with the fact that you can’t find a way to make the anxiety monster go away for good and are feeling very disappointed and frustrated that you have to keep fighting the same battles over and over again. I imagine it’s really starting to wear you down and that you’re starting to lose hope about the possibility of things being different for you. I’d guess you might even be feeling a bit depressed?

    From what you’ve said, it seems like you have a lot of skills and courage when it comes to facing down the anxious feelings in the moment ( you’re able to fight back) and I wondered what sort of things you do to make yourself calm down?

    <3 Youthspace

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Youthspace Youthspace.
  • #22586

    Drowning
    Participant

    Sorry life got stupid and I couldn’t bring myself to chat in. My friend* has been trying to help me out a lot. She even lets me sleep over when it gets bad. Its been nice to have someone there but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t understand. Maybe you are right about the depression, life seems a whole lot less hopeful recently. I had to cut back a LOT at work. I even got into a fight with a coworker at work*, nothing physical, just them talking shit about me. I mean fuck its not my fault I have anxiety attacks, I try my best to live and be productive, I should have to listen to them tell me how I should just suck it up.

    Someone told me to colour things the other day to help distract from this stupid anxiety. I even went out and bought this adult colouring book. I thought it was a little odd, as if colouring should be for kids or something, but I actually found it helped. So that and spending time with my friend* are really what I do now. It helps but sometimes its not enough and I just want to hide away from it all.

    * Name removed by Youthspace

  • #22617
    Youthspace
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey, Drowning; glad to see you reaching out to Youthspace again. We understand how there are times when posting to the forums doesn’t feel right, so no need to apologize. We are here for you when you do reach out, whether it be to our forums, chat (we can offer you a live chat between 6pm and 12 PST) or email counsellor at youthtalk2@pcfsa.org.

    I hear how you’re struggling with both anxiety and depression and surrounded by people who don’t seem to understand the heavy emotions that you have to deal with. I imagine it would be incredibly frustrating to have your anxiety seep into your work life as it has; leading you to cut back hours and land in difficult situations with co-workers who just don’t get it! Also, in addition to not understanding it sounds to me like your co-workers bully you; which is absolutely unfair and I’m sure, terrible to deal with. You do not deserve to be bullied, Drowning and are absolutely in the right when you say it is not your fault you have anxiety attacks. Sounds to me like you fight emotional battles on the daily, so I imagine being told to just “suck it up” is very painful 🙁

    I am glad to hear that you have a friend who is a support to you, as you fight through the dark place that you’re currently in. I’m wondering what you mean when you say that sometimes it gets so bad that you sleepover at your friend’s house? How bad does it get?

    Sounds like the adult colouring book is a great distraction for you and I’m wondering if you can think of any other things in your life that would distract you from the obnoxious anxiety or help you care for yourself? If you want, we can provide you with links to websites of self-care ideas and distractions.

    We are here for you and send you our best wishes. <3

    Youthspace

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