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Me and my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) broke up a while ago, because he said I needed to change. He couldnt handle my stress anymore, and he couldnt handle me anymore. That night I did actually go to the hospital and stayed there for a week because I over dosed on pills. Now, a month later, I’m still doing everything for him, I try to be less obssessive or protective, I try to give him space, but it feels like if I’m not perfect, he won’t ever talk to me. Like, if I piss him off (apparently by asking questions or talking to his friends or being depressed, which he makes fun of me for), he’ll tell me to fuck off and sometimes he’ll delete me off facebook or just ignore me. All I’m trying to do is be nice to him, and show him that I care and that I love him
he’s told me many times that we’ll get back together once he sees that I’ve “changed” but in the mean time, I’m breaking down and becoming more and more depressed and discouraged …. I’m in love with him still but I don’t know what to do because no matter how hard I try it’s never enough -
Hello J.H.
Welcome to our forum; thanks for sharing your story with us. I can imagine that it might be hard to reach out when you feel like you’re supposed to be perfect.
It sounds like the effort of living up to your ex’s expectations is crushing everything else in your life to the sidelines. He’s still very important to you, to the point where I get the impression it’s difficult live without him around… And I’m hearing how incredibly hard you’re trying to fit into exactly whatever mold it is that he holds up in order to have him back in your life again. It must be SO tiring to be working this hard, but not know if you are living up to what he wants. Kind of like you’re running a race, with no idea how far away the finish line might be. I can understand how that leaves you feeling utterly hopeless and discouraged.
It’s like you’re walking on eggshells, trying not to piss him off. I can hear how one part of you loves him deeply and wants to show him how devoted you are, how much work you are doing, while another part is getting exhausted waiting for him to show that it matters. It sounds like things were really dark there for a while after you broke up, and that you tried to end your life? How are you doing now, J.H.? How are you coping with the pain and confusion? I get the impression that you’re feeling like you’re running right out of strength to keep going when it feels like nothing is ever good enough…
The hurt you’re feeling sounds overwhelming, J.H. We’re here for you in those times when your mind won’t stop racing and it feels like too much. You can also chat in any night (between 6 and 11pm PST) to talk.
The Support Team
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