Forum Replies Created
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Hi Nie,
I’m hearing how absolutely worthless you’re feeling except for this potential light you see inside of you. I know you can’t see anything good about yourself but we at youthspace believe that you are absolutely worthwhile whether you pregnant or not. We are here to support you Nie and hope that you will continue to fight with the last part of you that feels like living is an option.
YouthspaceOh Nie I can really hear how lost you’re feeling and how confused you are by your own actions. I’m really scared for you because it really seems like you are acting in a way that even you don’t understand and there doesn’t seem to be anyone in your life that you feel safe opening up to. I get the sense that the situation you found yourself in last night could have ended up being really unsafe and I could be wrong but it seems like maybe you scared yourself as well?
I’m really grateful that you see this as a safe space to share what’s going on for you and I hope you’ll continue to do so… also please remember that we are here every night 6-11pm PST to support you through our live chat if you need us. We are here for you Nie.
YouthspaceNie,
It definitely sounds like you feel there are no other options for you to cope with the bleakness you’ve been feeling for so long.
Are there any other avenues you’d be willing to explore to help move away from the need to numb yourself from the heavy emotions you face daily?
Thank you for continuing to share your story with us.
YouthspaceNie,
You’re feelings of protectiveness over the potential life within you come across incredibly strong. Is there anything else we can help you explore (with that strength in mind) to help you hold on to your life?
YouthspaceNie,
Thanks for being honest with us about how much (and why) you’re using medications to numb things. I can tell that it’s difficult to cope with the feelings you’ve been having, and that getting high or taking too many pills has given you relief in some of the worse moments.
You mentioned that the school has gotten pretty strict about your pot use…do you find yourself taking pills more often because that other way of coping isn’t available anymore? Do you think you’d be willing to get help if you started to get any worrisome physical symptoms?
Nie, I can hear how difficult — how much of a fight it is – to just keep going every day, and how it often seems bearable only because of those things that help you feel numb and distant from the heavy emotions.
-The Support Team
Nie,
I can only imagine how ill you are feeling right now. I’m scared for you and your physical health, hearing that you feel yourself dying. When you say it hurts I’m wondering if you have taken these concerns to a doctor?Can I ask if the overdose you survived was a suicide attempt? I can imagine that you chose this Thread of the forum for a reason, and am glad you feel safe in sharing your experience with us. It sounds like these dark feelings have been with you for a long time now and that you are feeling almost apathetic about death?
Are you open to getting some help? I’m really scared for you and do not want to imagine you taking your last breath any time soon. If you feel in danger please call 911 or a crisis line. If you want to Chat we are online every evening for you. We would love to hear more about the emotions behind that overdose and support you through this time.
be safe
The Support TeamNie,
I get the sense that things are pretty bleak…It sounds like maybe things have reached a level of stress where you just kind of shut down, and nothing seems to give relief except for sleep or the ease that some of the pills can bring. It’s really hard when you feel like it’s easier to be unconscious than conscious. :’(
Is it more that you’re feeling like you sleep to escape emotional pain that haunts you through each day, or that you are feeling just so completely numb and tired that nothing else seems possible?
You talk about taking pills, and I worry that you might take dangerous amounts sometimes without feeling in control (needing to dull the feelings?) — do you think you would be able to get some medical help if you ever needed it, if you took way too many?
I get the sense that you feel terribly trapped sometimes, and powerless. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
The Support TeamI can really hear, Nie, how anxious you are about whether your past will affect your future goals (like finding a job). I imagine it’s scary to think that you will carry the weight of that past as though it is chained and locked to your ankle, holding you back from wherever you want to go next.
I would guess that you’re incredibly overwhelmed by the hardships you have had to face in your life, and that trying to cope with all that has in itself been stressful for you. I get the sense your coping has felt like treading water, that you struggle every day to keep yourself afloat and are running out of energy to keep going. Is there anything you’ve tried recently that helps you cope, helps you rest your weary arms and legs and keeps you floating without so much of a fight?
We’re glad you keep connecting as you try to find your way
The Support Team
Hi Nie,
From the beginning of this forum thread you’ve talked about the feelings of self-hate and pain that sometimes make you feel like you wish that you were dead. The last couple of posts, you’ve mentioned still having some of the same habits, but also feeling like things have been looking up a bit. In light of that bit of relief, I can imagine how crushing it was to tell someone and end up in a situation where you feel like things might crumble back to the way that they were… that must be really disappointing and frightening.
You’ve talked about wanting control before, and it seems like you’re probably feeling very stripped of it right now.
From what you’ve said, it sounds like you might be feeling like you’re trapped in a room that just keeps getting smaller.We’re here if you want to talk through any of what’s going on for you. I can only imagine that it must feel really stressful and unbearable at points to be under so much scrutiny and pressure, and we’re here if you just need to vent.
The Support Team
Hey Nie,
I’d imagine it’s hard trying to deal with all of this on your own. It sounds as though you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself because you think people have an idea of who you should be. At the same time I can hear how alone you feel with your addiction, and that you want to be able to talk to someone who won’t judge you. I’d imagine you feel isolated without someone in your life you can share your worries and feelings with.
I’m glad you keep sharing what’s going on for you with us.
The support teamHello Warrawo,
I can really hear how much you care for your friend and how distressing it is to see them suffering. I would guess it’s really scary for you to know your friend is considering suicide, and that being so far away leaves you feeling powerless to help. It sounds as if you have been trying lots of different ways to help your friend find reasons to live, and that it breaks your heart to hear that after all the hope you’ve tried to show them they still want to die.
You mentioned your friend lives abroad; you might try encouraging them to get in contact with their local crisis line if they seem to want someone to talk to or want to connect to resources in their area. You can also let your friend know about our forum here at youthspace, if you think they might be open to talking with us or if online is easier for them than phone.
It seems as though you’re feeling stuck on what you can do yourself, and I wonder if this website: http://www.fivealive.us/ might be useful to check out. It has information about what to do if someone you know is feeling suicidal.
If you get the sense your friend is going to act on their thoughts of suicide, we really encourage that you call emergency services (like 9-1-1) in their area if their life is at risk.
I’d imagine this is a really stressful and worrying time for you and I am glad you reached out to us. Keep in touch about how things are going
-The support team
Hi Nie,
I really appreciate that you’ve checked back in with us now that your new situation has stabilized. We like to hear how you’re doing and what’s going on in your life.
It sounds like your circumstances have improved in some ways since you last posted on the forum. Whereas before you were feeling the pressure and strain from your parents, your new environment in a foster home provides you with some hope for the future. Though you’re experiencing drug addiction and an eating disorder, it seems like in some intangible way, things have improved for you, if only slightly.
I get the sense that your weight is still a pressing concern for you and you’re still taking measures to restrict your food intake. This worries me Nie. It seems that even though it feels like your life is improving, your habits have remained the same and your health continues to be compromised.
I can hear how smoking weed has become a new coping mechanism that devolved into dependence fairly quickly. I can imagine that it gives you some relief from the pain that you are going through and provides you with a temporary distraction. Your courage to experiment with street drugs as a way of coping scares me, especially knowing that they can be laced. I am wondering if you have been able to talk to anyone about your addiction? Please know that you can always chat in and talk to us live about this if you would like more support.
Thanks for your updates, we will continue to be here for you.
The Support Team
