Welcome to youthspace. You’ll notice that we changed your post a bit, just to remove some of the identifying information, as we try to preserve our users’ anonymity.
You are struggling with some huge existential questions, by the sounds of it. I can really hear how in everyday life, you recognize that you seem to be doing pretty well, but that none of it truly seems to cover up this yawning void that exists below the surface. I’m guessing that sometimes, when you look at your life, it seems like those hobbies and roles that you have built for yourself are just there to hide the true emptiness behind. I can hear how pointless it all seems, when you can’t locate the meaning behind anything.
I really wish I had an answer for you, M. I think that the questions you are asking are ones that people often wonder about (indeed, are very central to a lot of philosophy), and I can understand how numb you can become trying to process the enormity of them.
Although I can hear that life seems to be empty of the kind of meaning that would make you desire to go on living it, I’m glad to hear that you are not actively intent on ending your life.
I’m curious if you’ve asked the same questions elsewhere? Has there been an answer that resonated with you more than others?
The Support Team