It sounds like you’re feeling things pretty intensely at the moment and some part of you wants to share all of this with the people in your life and yet, at the same you’re reluctant to do so because you’re scared sharing how you feel with people won’t really bring you the support you’re looking for or even worse, they won’t care.
I can hear how alone you feel and how much you’re longing for meaningful and loving contact with someone. I can imagine that riding that roller coaster of ups and downs is pretty draining and it would be a welcome relief for you to have someone you cared about who cared about you, be there with you through it all.
If I am reading it right, I get the sense that though you feel better when you’re taking your pills, you’re worried that your medication is simply masking your unhappiness. I’d imagine that might make you feel even more despairing, to think that even your moments of happiness aren’t real.
I am glad you felt able to share how you’re feeling, Dan and we’re always here to listen to you.
The Support Team