I’m glad that you found us when you were feeling so utterly alone with the pain and worry. It sounds like since you and your ex broke up, you’ve lost yourself somewhat, and it’s proving really difficult to find yourself again. By that I mean that you’re doing things that you feel are “not you at all” – maybe to cope with the pain of the breakup? – and that it has been leaving you hurt and sad and confused a lot.
When you started seeing this guy from the dating site, it seems like you felt a good connection, and felt ready to invest a little more in someone again — even if he has been kind of “hot and cold”. I’m guessing that you were kind of hoping that he might be the one who could help you feel more complete again, and you let yourself be vulnerable with him. But when he didn’t respond to your messages, it must have felt like you were being abandoned and betrayed.
That was a few days ago now…how are you feeling now?
It sounds like you’re really kicking yourself for things that you’ve done. It sounds like you don’t feel like anyone would want to support you, and that even if they did, you’re not worth their time. That’s a huge burden to bear, shayxo, and I’m scared that the worthlessness and pain you’re feeling might lead you to end your life. You say that you wish you could kill yourself (and I’m glad you’re honest!). I wonder what is helping you keep yourself safe when you’re feeling so alone? Reaching out here is a good step, and I encourage you to use the chat and email counselling as well if you feel like you are in need.
We are here for you.
The Support Team