I’m sorry to hear about your Grandfather’s wife — I’d imagine that there might be grief for her loss as well as sadness that you aren’t able to feel a connection with those around you during this time. I hear that you feel those who were once a source of support to you have now faded away and their memories are more like ghosts because you know that, even though they are still alive, they aren’t the people they once were. Perhaps it’s more like you’re frozen and the world moves around you but you’re unable to move with it. I’m really glad to hear that you feel like we understand what’s going on for you Dan, we are definitely here to support you and appreciate that you’ve been brave enough to keep reaching out when you’re feeling so low.
It sounds like on one hand the pills help you to keep going when you’re in this dark place but on the other hand you question whether getting through life without really connecting to yourself is what you want or need. It seems like Dan Day gives you an opportunity to honour that pain you feel and fear about the possibility that it will never end. It’s as if you have your own private ‘holiday’ to commemorate what your sadness means to you even while there is little support around you. I’m really sorry to hear that you have felt rejected in your attempts to tell the hospital staff how desperate things are for you. It seems like there is a ‘one size fits all’ answer to how you’re feeling but you don’t like the way that answer fits and there is no alternative.
We are here to listen and to support you Dan as you work through today and the days to come. Sending you hugs and light. The Support Team