First of all welcome to our forum and thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. It seems as though you’re in a very lonely place since you’ve shared your sexuality with your parents and experienced bullying for being who you are.
It sounds like you’ve run out of safe places when school and the outside world are scary and your home is no longer a sanctuary from the world. I get the sense that you feel very supported by your girlfriend even though she is physically far away from you.
I can really hear how hidden your pain is — both physically with the scars on your legs and emotionally as you smile despite your desperation. I imagine it would be exhausting to put so much energy into seeming alright while the waves of hurt continuously crash down over you.
I’m hearing that suicide is a very real possibility for you and that’s really scary. I get the sense that you haven’t reached out to anyone to let them know how you’re feeling but I wonder if there is anyone that can support you through this dark time? We are here to support you Nessa — and we also have our live chat every night 6-11pm PST (and until midnight Fridays and Saturdays) if you want to chat with us and get an immediate response.
We are here for you Nessa as long as you need us
The Support Team