Thank you for sharing your struggle here with us, I’m glad you feel comfortable talking in this format. We are here for you!
I’m getting the sense that the anxiety that washes over you in those moments of conflict is completely overwhelming. It seems like you know what you want to say, and how to respond but your body just doesn’t cooperate! I can imagine that you feel betrayed by your own body in those moments.
When you say you want to “fix it” I’m wondering if you have spoken to anyone about that desire? Have there been modes of coping or working through this anxiety that have worked for you in the past?