I almost cried again today at work. I was feeling slightly better until today where I was in a hurry and absentmindedly put on my sandals to go to work, which was in violation of the dress code. I got to work and one of the other employees saw and told my manager about my sandles and my manager lectured me about dress code. Now, that shouldn’t have really bothered me like it did but I’m a rather sensitive, people-pleasing person and I get really upset when I feel people are disappointed in me or I’ve made a mistake, no matter how little. I also feel a little betrayed and disrespected because of the employee that told on me, I mean, I know I shouldn’t have been wearing sandals but I wished they would have at least came and talked to me about it first before going straight to my manager. Anyway, I had to get my Dad to bring my sneakers, and while I was waiting for him, I felt like I could cry. On another note, I’m just frustrated I suppose, I feel like their not training me well, and most people there seem a little arrogant and condescending. Having said that, I do really love some other aspects of my job, some of the older ladies I work with are sweet and reassuring, I love helping customers and organizing the shelves.
Even just talking and expressing my experiences help me a lot in dealing with some of my anxiety, there’s a lot of after-the-fact things I do to help but I can’t seem to get a hold of my anxiety and emotions while in the moment. I try to take deep breaths but that just seems to worsen my urge to cry or freak out.