Well the health issues have caused me a lot of anger and sadness and I’ve felt so uncared about i absolutely hate this im the lowest priority to every doctor, there almost all trying to blame my mental health so they don’t have to help me.
Im on a diet that’s helped a bit with the pain and sickness but im still sick and so i don’t like eating very much because of feeling ill. This also made it real easy to fall into the eating disorder.
Its really hard on me i have so much going on and the stress is just being stacked on top of me crushing me.
Im hurting a lot and suicide comes up and it sounds tempting but being on the other side of that i know for myself i couldn’t do that.
But the self harm was to hard to not do they urges were calling me and i was so triggered all the time, i haven’t done it in about a week though but i cant promise i wont do it, but i can promise i will try not to.(Also its not serious*so its never in need of medical help)
My sexuality, the church taught me to hate myself and some of my problems are a root of this. I use to self hrm to try and get rid of those feelings, those normal feelings because i thought i was so wrong. My parents are quite religious and i fear if they knew they would force my to church more and put me on like a church celibacy/ try to make you straight therapy or something along the lines of that. Im scared about all of it.(They would never abuse me or kick me out so im safe to that degree)
A safe space of mine is sort of being pulled out of my life because the web of lies to go there is being unraveled so i have to stop going. So that’s disappointing to me very much.
I don’t know i just really hate myself and im so alone I’ve fallen into my hole and nobody is looking for me.
*Edited by Youthspace to remove triggering content/identifying information