It sounds like you’re feeling attacked by images of ending your life, that they are coming on relentlessly. I also get the sense you feel helpless to these thoughts, they come at you in such unexpected ways almost as though they are infiltrating your mind from outside yourself. I can hear how strongly you are fighting against these thoughts, fighting for the part of you that wants to live, and that it’s completely depleting your energy just to get through the day. When you think about suicide, do you find yourself making a plan to end your life?
I hope you will continue to check in with us throughout your fight…from the sounds of it, you’re starting to feel cracks in your resolve to stay alive, and we’ll be here for you lending you all the strength we can spare.