Hi Sophiexx, welcome. It sounds like things have gotten pretty dark again for you lately.

You said that you’ve been having a lot of suicidal thoughts – those thoughts seem to be popping into your head all the time, without your control, and I can imagine that it’s really stressful to be going along with your day, and then suddenly get swept sideways in that way. I can hear how when you feel upset, your mind turns pretty quickly to thoughts of death. I think that your idea about possibly going to the police station, or getting emergency help of some kind is a good one if you get to the point where you feel like you really can’t be safe not to take action on the thoughts. Remember that when we’re open, you can also chat in to youthspace, or text us at 778-783-0177, and we can help you by talking through things and making a plan for your safety. <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title="

You seem to be feeling exceptionally alone against everything right now, and though it can be so hard to reach out, I am happy that you thought to come back and talk here. You are not a bother to us, and we honestly wish to help you get through these tough times. It’s clearly a really isolating time for you — even with people around you, i get the sense that there’s not really anyone showing you the kind of warmth that you need in order to feel loved and valuable right now.

I can hear how disappointing it is to find yourself harming again — like it’s a sign for you of how bad things are right now, since you thought it wouldn’t happen again. I can imagine it’s incredibly hard to forgive yourself right now for going back to it, which might just intensify the feelings that make you want to do so.

I really want to be able to help you find things that will help you to cope, but one of the reasons we don’t give advice here is because what might work for me might not work at all for you. I’ll include a couple of sites here that have some lists of distractions/coping skills that you can look at for yourself, and I’ll remind you as well that we have email counselling available on our site.

http://Www.walkalong.ca — a newer site, it has a lot of good coping tools, as well as a “lifechart” which you can use to track your moods over time to help you understand them.
http://www.lifesigns.org.uk/ – a site specific to recovery from self-harm — there’s a good “helping you” section

We’re here for you, Sophiexx. <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title="

-youthspace