I can really hear that life has become so dark for you again after a while of feeling like you were doing better. I can hear how much you just want this pain and pressure to stop, how much you want those happy moments in your life to be more than just moments. I can see you wanting to reach out and feel connected and supported but have not found the help there when you need it. It must be very heartbreaking and exhausting to have to hide your pain from those you love. At the same time I hear your anger at not having them to support you, the frustration that those loved ones should be there but are not.
I can hear how much you want things to become better and change, but I don’t know how to change it all and so can give you no advice. But we can be here for you, listening and caring for you. I can see you wish your parent understood more of your pain. I can see that we have posted some resources here previously, so I hope you might find some more possibly helpful.
http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/your-situation -> this site has support and ideas for yourself and a page that you may be open to pointing your parents to on how to support those with suicidal thoughts and all that pain.
http://www.calm.com -> if you are into meditation, guided or not, this is a nice site for possibly taking a moment to try to breath
http://1000awesomethings.com/ -> this is list of distractions you may find helpful to add to your coping skills or just distractions when the darkness starts become overwhelming.
Your suffering and exhaustion are so visceral, I am sorry that you feel the intense pressure to hide it all away, making you so alone in it. We will continue to be here for you, listening and caring. Our forums and chat lines are open to you as you walk through this darkness.