From what you’ve shared, I imagine you’re in incredible pain and feeling as if there is nowhere left for you to turn. It sounds like you feel isolated and are struggling with all this on your own. I’d bet that would be exhausting and completely disheartening, like screaming into the wind. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you decided to give one last try and reach out to us.
I’m really worried about you when you say you are planning to end your life before the end of October. I can only imagine how hopeless you feel right now and how desperately you want things to change. I hear you when say that you’re trying to save yourself from monsters. It sounds like a battle you’ve been fighting for a long time and now you really need someone to fight along side you. Please know that we want to support you as best as we can.
I understand how serious you are about suicide and at the same time, I get the sense that you really want help staying alive. We will do everything in our power to help you. Our chat service is available from 6pm to midnight PST, if you need someone to chat to about anything. We also offer e-counselling through our website: http://youthspace.ca/email/. If you wanted to share your geographic location, I could also provide you with the number of a crisis line in your area.
You mentioned feeling like you’re not ready for the hospital and I wondered what do you think would be useful for you now?
I really hope you will stay in touch.
Youthspace Support Team.