I can hear how little hope life holds for you, and it sounds like everything in your daily life is losing meaning for you too. It sounds as though you’re sitting in an in between space, waiting for change. I imagine that’s exhausting and frustrating, and perhaps hopeless at times.
I am so glad that you have saved so many numbers…and yet I also get the sense that you aren’t receiving the kind of support you need right now. Do you have people to turn to in those most challenging moments? You deserve support right now and we want to be here for you.
I can hear how much planning you have put into these dates, and I’m concerned. I’m curious what’s kept you alive until these dates.. and if there’s anything special that draws you to the specific dates you have planned. Has anything changed for you in the last fews days since you posted here?
I can hear how at a loss you are of what could help.. my sense is that you have fought and tried to fix things for so long that you feel now there’s no energy left for that fight. I’m really worried about you, as from you posting here I’m sensing that at least a little part of you wants to be alive, even if you’ve lost hope for how that can be a possibility for you. I know we have mentioned chatting in before, and I really encourage you to come and talk to us over chat if you are posting from Canada (open 6-midnight PST every night). I’m curious if you think you might be able to come in and chat with us (or another service) before you takes steps to end your life when your planned for date come?
Thank you for continuing to connect with us and share your story. I hope you are able to share your thoughts of suicide with someone else in your life who cares and supports you too. These are heavy thoughts to be alone dealing with. <3
- Youthspace. <3