It’s good to hear from you; we’re really worried that you have chosen this week as your last. I can really hear how hopeless you’re feeling in life, and that you are completely alone with the reality of your situation. Seems there are people in your life that you support, and I imagine that makes you an incredible friend to people, but that you don’t feel comfortable accessing support from them. I can imagine you feel precarious, and it seems overwhelming to even think about telling someone how you’re feeling – especially if it seems like they might not truly care, or might look down on you somehow. The fact that you feel support at this point is hopeless really scares me…I get the sense that you are struggling to see a future that doesn’t involve suicide.
It sounds like you’ve been sliding downhill awhile.. I can imagine how exhausting that sense of doom that you were carrying would have been. You say that there are circumstances that might push you faster down that hill.. I’m curious what these circumstances are – ? How have you managed to deal with them happening so far this year? We’re here if you want to tell us more about the feelings of insanity.
I’m really worried about you Rio_Rion…from you posting here it shows me that even a little part of you is still living. I can hear how desperate you are, and increasingly numb you feel, but I wonder if there is a way to help or some sort of services I can help you get connected to?
It sounds like your plans for suicide are becoming more and more real. If you are scared for your life, I encourage you to please call emergency services (911). I truly believe, no matter how hard it is for you to see right now, that your life is precious and that you deserve to live a life free from such suffocating pain. I would like to try and help make that a possibility. If you are open to connecting via Chat, or sharing your information here, we will be grateful to send some help to you in this, your darkest hour.