I would like to start by saying you need never apologize to us for coming here to share what your feeling, as well it is our honour to try and provide a safe space for you to say what you need to say.
It seems like you’re circling a familiar and dark place and perhaps feel that this could damage some of the new positive influences in your life. To me that speaks of love, that no matter the darkness you may be feeling your concern for those close to you shines through. I can really hear how much these feeling are building up inside you leading to make you feel as though you’re going to explode, I feel that with the added stress of the expectation of University that must feel very intense.
We are here for you as ever, please do chat in if things are getting to dark.