Welcome to the Youthspace.ca forums. I sense desperation in your words; as if you are grasping for the inner strength that once was so prevalent in you, but are having difficulty seeing through your struggles to a brighter place. I hear how frustrated you are that you feel like you are no longer the positive, strong person you once were and how you are trying to understand why you are so stuck in agony. Though there is a part of you that is rationalizing your pain to be related to your depression, it sounds like that’s getting harder and harder to believe as things continue to feel more detached and unreal. Beyond that, I hear also how you’re experiencing an overwhelming sense of fear that is making it difficult to live in your day to day life.
Your situation at home seems to be further exhausting you and I’m hearing how you blame yourself for the isolation and loneliness that you feel. It sounds to me like though your family members are supportive, you feel like they cannot relate to (or see?) the depth of pain that you are coping with. I imagine that feeling alone in fighting the pain and darkness is incredibly difficult and I am glad you came on to Youthspace for support. We are here for you, as a helping hand to help you on your journey towards that sunlight that you are craving.
<3 The Support Team