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A co-worker and I went out to a bar together October 10th to play pool. Little did I know what was ahead of me would change me for the better? Playing pool was extremely fun, my body clicked then, this amazingly figure showed up, it was the most powerful thing I could imagine seeing and feeling. I saw him and I was breathless and struggling to keep breathing, was I head over heels for this person? No. Friend and I continued to play pool and talked basically enjoying everything. This feeling washed over me, floods of feelings entered me. The moment I walked in the bar I felt this strong pull, I didn’t know where it was coming from or why. I was approached by a bar tender asking me how I was and if I had any questions, why would I have questions for a bar tender? The evening went on feelings grew. I saw this guy who made those feelings stronger, very confused as to why I’m reacting the way I am. Little did I know, things would make a turn for the better?

I got introduced to the owner of the bar. Not a big deal right? I couldn’t see his appearance, it was foggy, I felt foggy. The feelings took over me. I still was confused. I then ordered a shot and the owner took my order. He asked me, “How old do you think I am…” Hmmm, I said, “Well you look like your 38,” he didn’t say anything he then continued to talk. He tried to talk my friend in buying me the shot; I said I can pay for it. I gave him my ID and he is like, “What is this for…” Me I’m like in a sarcastic voice, “It’s my ID for my age, duh.” He looked at it for like a signal minute and gave it back to me. He did tell me, I was right for his age. I was blown away, it was just a guess. I bought my shot and before I left, he’s like, “Hey, I wanted to say your very beautiful.” I smiled and said, “Thank You,” walked to the pool table.

So I and co-worker were in a deep conversation when… when… “Are you signal?” I turn around and I’m like, in my mind who the hell is asking me that, I turn and see it was the owner. I said, “Yea,” he gives me his number telling me to call if I wanted to or I could throw it away.

I’m now seeing the owner of the bar. I’m not sure what relationship we’re in. Him and I cuddle, hang out, watch tv shows/movies, sleep together and have sex. I’ve been seeing him for two weeks now. Last night I spent the night with him. He took me to his bar, me I was scared shitless for being judged for being young and seeing him. His friend came out to the truck and opened the door and, basically convinced me to come inside. I told him I don’t want to be judged because I’m young and he isn’t. He told me, “Who gives a fuck what others say don’t let them to.” We played darts, pretty fun stuff.

We then leave to go back to his place; I made cranberry vodka drink and had two of them. All I remember is watching a movie (don’t remember the movie name) then we’re basically having sex. It was amazing.

When I was seeing him (we’re not dating but just hanging out and having sex) I saw a different person, the guy and I almost had sex if his father never came home I would have had sex with him. Not even 24hrs I had sex and I’m about to have sex again with someone else in a 24hr period. Then, the day after I’m back in M’s bed.

The sex I have with M is all unprotected he uses the pull out method. I am being tested next week for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea with pregnancy and if things come back fine my doctor is faxing over a script for the Patch. I’m still going to have unprotected sex even when I’m on the Patch, I hate condoms.

I’m so fucking paranoid over what others may say or think. I’m scared of others judgements.

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