I understand what you are feeling so well. I have am in it right now as well and I have been out of it too. I know what it feels like to love yourself and feel free of the hateful cycle. You are worthy to feel happiness and you are deserving of all the love and compassion you receive from others and what you give yourself. I just want you to know that the battle can end and to have hope that you will get through it and be sooo much stronger on the other side of it. Keep fighting Nie!