I’m intrigued by the way that you talk about the pills you’re taking. It sounds like they are working fairly well at keeping your mood up, but that sometimes it feels like a “false” happiness, when you know that the pain is still lurking around the corner… I can hear that it feels like running away from yourself, and I can hear how trapped you’re feeling, like you want to be able to fight the emotions, but can’t do it without the help of the medication. That must be frustrating and I wonder if it leaves you feeling really powerless?
I know that sometimes the “care” systems that we have look awfully dysfunctional. :’( I so wish it wasn’t that way, and that it didn’t leave you feeling so emotionally unsupported. I can only imagine how distanced you must feel from people when even the care workers don’t seem to REALLY see you or care what’s going on in your mind.
Haha… I don’t think that’s quite what we meant when we said “more human” (I think it was more referring to a feeling of “wholeness”). But I didn’t know that you find solace in church; it sounds like it’s a good support for you Dan.
It sounds like a time of ups and downs, with some really lonely feelings. Keep connected.
The Support Team