Have to say that when the pills are working I am fine I don’t get suicidal thoughts this week has been a roller coaster of feelings this about the past and the people that have built me up and now long gone I understand people move on I get that but the memories of those conveniences and how I felt so much better but those feelings are only temporary because that move or they hate me because will I don’t know you ask me what keeps me going it is the same answer my work and my pills am I having dark suicidal thoughts yes because the past and want a break but I know how it would go down when we decide I need a hospital you call EMHS and they will call me and if they feel I need a hospital they will go with me the hospital will either take me in or say go home I don’t want to go through that but it is sad out here. My friend is getting married and that is also hard for me but that is my problem I am feeling that I am different because all these care people are in relationship and I not maybe I have get in a relationship but I don’t see that happing in the mean time I am in a lot of pain