Tonight I am feeling sick physically so I will try to think of the emotional pain i mentioned about alarm bells yes they are going off but they come and go yesterday I was on handyDART and I was thinking I was going strange home like I usually do but yesterday we had some pickups that ok but it was at a day program with care people and disabled people so I was sitting in the bus watching the people say good bye some for the night others forever and I got wrapped up in feeling like a job because I can’t help but feel this way so yes I am feeling very bad but I have two choices I can die or I can keep fighting and I know where that goes