Thanks for writing When you say you’re feeling physically sick I’m thinking that sometimes your layers of pains are tied together….like emotional pain triggers physical sickness? I can only imagine how unstable you feel, unsure when the next wave of alarm bells will hit you, sending you reeling, trying to hide from the pervasive shrieking that pierces through your ears down into your heart, awakening the painful thoughts of loneliness and isolation that you hold inside.
I get the sense that your experience of seeing all the goodbyes at the end of your day on the handyDART was upsetting for numerous reasons. Not only did it remind you of the fragility of relationships between people and careworkers and the lack of authentic relationships around you….but I’m thinking that maybe you also felt vulnerable, unable to choose how your time was spent…sitting there witnessing this intimate moment between other people.
My heart aches to think of you holding all this pain inside yourself all day Dan. Thank you for speaking up for yourself here. When you say you have “two choices” I’m really aware how present suicide is as an option in these tough times. Which option are you planning on taking Dan? I hope that you mean you will continue to fight as strongly as you have been for life.
the Support Team