Thanks for giving us a picture of what those thoughts of suicide look like for you right now. It means a lot to hear how you’re doing, and I’m glad to hear that even though they still haunt you, at least those thoughts are in the background a bit right now.
It’s got to be frustrating and stressful to have to deal with conflict between your care worker and roommate…even just having to be there when they won’t talk to each other… It sounds like things have been rocky lately with the people that you see the most of, and that it makes you doubt that there is any stability in your life. I can really hear how you sometimes feel like an afterthought, or a chore, even to the people who take care of you. :’(
That’s a frightening feeling that you describe having last week, Dan…like your mind was in overdrive. I can only imagine that it must have freaked you out to suddenly feel so out of control and even in physical pain from the racing thoughts. It’s really hard for me to answer whether that’s common or normal (I’m definitely not a doctor), although I have heard of people having similar experiences. Here’s a couple of webpages you could check out for more info on stress and some of its symptoms, in case you’re interested: http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/factsheet/stress and http://www.mindcheck.ca/
Have you been in that quick thinking mode again since you wrote, Dan?
Here for you,
The Support Team