It sounds like on the scale that you mention, the mornings are a much higher number than the evenings, when you are on your medication. I can tell that the see-saw between up and down is frustrating in its own way, because when you feel better, you sense that it’s because of the pills, and that it might soon change again.
The bad thoughts, the thoughts of suicide, must seem like a comfort sometimes, when endlessly you have to force yourself to play along with the role that you have in your own life. I can hear how desperately you crave anything that would make you feel like less of a job. :’(
I’m glad that you talk about it all here, Dan, because especially in the summer, it sounds like you are really low on support and understanding from other supports. I can imagine that things seem particularly bleak right now, when you have just lost your friend, and now have to face the weeks while your parents are gone with little help. Do you think that there is anything that might help you to distract yourself from the bad thoughts while your family is away? Of course, as always, we are here for you during that time.
-The Support Team