I wish that I had a way to heal the pain, and to help you feel free in your life. The way you’ve described this “Dan day” shows in a powerful way how monotonously unchanging these feelings are for you. I know that the word “exhausting” is probably one of those things that has been said over and over, but I honestly can hardly imagine how tired — how exhausted — you are. I can hear how it seems impossible to find something to fight for anymore when all hope feels like it dried up long ago. And I know that the deaths you’ve experienced in this last year just add to the heavy, heavy feelings. :’(
It sounds like when you look back, you see a series of dark Christmases, and this one looks like it is going to feel darker than ever, and you can feel the pressure of that darkness building up. I can hear how you hurt so badly thinking of the last 11 years, and the endless pain they have brought – I can hear that it’s making you wonder if that pain will ever change, or if it will continue, and just feel worse and worse for years to come. You say that there have been occasional good days, Dan, but it sounds like the pain feels like a thick black line that covers up the thin writing of those better days. What do you think it might look like if things were ever to get better Dan? What has been keeping you alive in moments like this?
We’re here to help you, Dan. Please know that we are here for you on the forum and over chat, and that you can contact us to help you out if you feel like you are going to end your life.
The Support Team