It seems as though you are feeling incredibly lost without that one person you relied so much on for support, and on top of that at a time of year when you so desperately need the comfort of familiar, caring people around you. I would guess it’s terrifying to know that you will have to be brave for yourself on your own this year, and hard to trust that you have it in you to do so. I get the sense it is breaking your heart to face Christmas without that person there to talk to anymore I am glad you are talking to us about it, and I hope you’ll continue to use us as support as long as you need it
I can hear how excruciating it is to keep fighting, and how tempting it is to lay down your sword and give in to the beast in the darkness that represents your death by suicide. As hard as it is, I’m comforted to hear that at least a part of you wants to keep fighting. Do you have someone in your life you can contact right away in the darkest moments, when it feels to difficult to fight any more?
Sending you thoughts of strength and courage,
the Support Team