I wanted to get this out of my mind before I am drugged my usually meds i am thinking about the new year and how much i don’t want it to come because 2014 is another year to go through i think when is this going to end i feel that everybody is abandoned me this Christmas has more stresses because my brothers are dating one is getting married in July I have nobody to talk to because my person i usually talk to is gone and it feels I am lost now because of that also I have to get a new care person and I know what that involves basically soon i will be deeper down then i ever been this dan day it will happen 1 or 2 am on day 10 And i also have the usual Christmas that everybody will be well rested inJanuary and i won’t get the rest i so need