Your last post really shows the heartbreak and loneliness that this season is bringing for you. I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling such an intense dread of the new year, and that things are so low for you right now. Another year must seem like another cycle of the same pain for you right now.
It sounds like on top of the sadness that the Christmas season brings, there’s another layer of loneliness with the person you talk to being gone and your brothers both being romantically involved. You say you’re lost, and the image that comes to mind is a boat in a fog, unable to see the lighthouse or find a way to land. It sounds like you feel stuck in a void where nobody seems to be able to see you or your pain, and you can see the new year approaching, bringing a tidal wave of the same feelings….an extension of the same agonizing dan day.
I’m not sure what you mean by “it will happen 1 or 2 am on day 10”, and it worries me because it sounds like you feel a crisis looming over you… Know that when you feel deeper down than you have ever felt before, we will still be here for you, Dan.
Chat or post to the forum when you need to. We are here every night, and we’ll help you however we can.
-The Support Team