Ok, so a lot has been going on in the last 24 hours…
There are two people in my life who I consider best friends. One I’ve spoken about throughout this entire forum and it’s pretty clear how important he is to me. But the other has been across the country for the last 4 months. She has missed everything that has happened and it’s been really hard to keep her updated because long distance is expensive and I can only say so much over texting. Yesterday, she came home
I am soo relieved that she is finally home. She has always been there for me and I’ve always been so honest with her. However, I was very nervous about her coming home only because I knew I had to fill her in with everything going on in my life. The thought of reliving everything was such an overwhelming feeling that I think it was a part of the reason why yesterday I was at a low. We all went for dinner yesterday and throughout the entire time I was quiet, angry, scared, and very emotional. I tried soo hard to not break out in tears. I was so happy to see her, but I couldn’t bring myself to be engaging. Because I was trying to hard to be myself it was very emotional for me that I couldn’t. On the way home I was embarrassed and angry that I wanted to scream and cry.
After dinner I was able to sit down with my other best friend and fill her in with everything that has been going on. Like usual, she was support and had lots of suggestions that I could try. But more importantly, she listened and was completely understanding. Having another female around me I think was really helpful because she was able to relate with some of the extreme emotional reactions that I was having. She was also able to give me lots of stories of friends that have been going through similar things. These stories were really successful in helping me realize that no one is judging me and that doctors deal with these things on a daily basis. I’ve agreed to go with her to see someone this week.
All these new realizes made my night very hard. I didn’t sleep at all again and was very very emotions. However, I did spend time thinking things over. What I realized is that these two people in my life bring different attributes to the table. The 1st one is someone that I trust more than 100%. He talks me down when I am being unreasonable and is able to calm me at my worst possible moments. I know without a doubt I can talk to him literally about anything ever. He is the only person I feel that comfortable with. Period. The second one is someone that I can relate with. She is so strong minded and funny. I can be telling her someone so serious and someone will just make a ridiculous joke and crying goes to laughing. What I love about her is the way she can relate to female emotional issues and I find that feeling of being alone is gone.
Even though the last two days have been quite a low. I hope that the changes that are happening means that things continue to improve.
One step back, two steps forward??