I hear you about the sun; it’s been tremendously beautiful here! Cool that you’re getting out some when you can; I’m told that it’s good for you.
It’s a lot of turmoil and change that you’ve been going through in the last couple of days, from the sound of it. It sounds like your friend coming back to town created a wave of relief and gratitude, but that the emotional chaos that surrounded your reunion rocked the boat somewhat too, and you’ve had to work hard at not falling right out into the waves. :S
I think I can understand how the dinner with your friends -something that seems from the outside like it should have been simple and joyous — was filled with all kinds of expectations and unspoken pressures for you. Even though your friends are wonderful and understanding, it sounds like a daunting task to relive the struggle and pain that you’ve been through in order to express your experience. That night was especially hard, it sounds like, because you came out of the dinner feeling so low about yourself for getting so emotional and out of control when you were just trying to be yourself. I can hear how the intensity of emotion is still very overwhelming at moments…
I’m glad to hear that you were able to have a good heart-to-heart with your friend who just got back. She sounds like a great person who is really willing to take the time and hear what’s going on for you. It also sounds like she had some perspectives and stories to share that helped you feel less alone with your emotions and more willing to reach out to professional supports?
“One step back, two steps forward” indeed, Jay. It does sound like that…like you are working hard to face the demons that have been haunting you, and along the way there are some nights that absolutely knock you flat with distress, but that you’re also learning about yourself and figuring out who you can trust to truly listen when you need it. Your descriptions of both of your friends are filled with powerful sentiments, and really reflect the connection and love that you feel towards them. I’m curious if writing it out here helped clarify those things that you love about them? (I know that some people can solidify thoughts that are floating around in their minds by writing them out)
It’s also good to hear that even though there were tears, there was also some laughter. There’s so much hope in your words, Jay, and I think it shows HUGE strength. We will be here for you as you navigate all the chaos…
-The Support Team