I just wanted to take the time to express my feelings before going away for the week and completing my last exam.
Even though I can’t help but say that overall my mood is more positive and uplifting, I’m not having the easiest time with sleep. Last night I fell asleep easy but woke up at around 2-3am with the most anxiety I have ever felt. I was overwhelmed realizing today would end my academic career and I was going to the woods to celebrate without those people who have been my rocks. I was having a hard time breathing and focusing on the fact that this should be a really happy time for me. However, it didn’t last terribly long and I was able to fall back asleep after. So I guess overall, I’ll take that as a win. I can’t wait for the day I sleep throughout the night though.
I’m really going to try and make this week worth the last 7 years of my life. It’s going to be a real test to see if I can push myself to stay and have fun and to keep a positive attitude with my friends. I’m hoping that after the exam my anxiety stays low. I have some plans in place in case things get too overwhelming and I need a break from everything that’s going on. And really, I’ll have my phone in case I need to talk to my friends to get that break.
It’s hard for me to accept that I am still having problems sleeping though – I have so much support from those that are close to me I shouldn’t still be feeling like this. I know many changes are about to happen so I am hoping that with changes in my life there are changes in my anxiety — for the better obviously. I have changed my day-to-day attitude but I think it’s time work on the sleep a little more. I’ve said this before, I sleep TONS better when I have someone beside me; it’s a sense of security and the feeling that I am not alone. But I am thinking that maybe the time is coming to try some over the counter prescriptions just to get my sleep more regular. I’ll be trying/thinking more about that possibility in the next few days.
Until next time…