I can hear that your sexuality has been something you’ve questioned over the past year and that you’ve got a lot of fear around how it would be perceived by your friends if you tried to share these questions with them. I’d imagine that it would be really intimidating to reach out and ask for help in finding who you really are when there seems to be a chance that you could be cast out for being that person.
I get the sense that things in Europe were quite different for you than they are in your new place — like you felt a real connection to the people you were surrounded with there and even felt some chemistry with your BFF. I’d guess it’s tough to be so far away from those people, especially her, and that it could be more isolating to know that there are places where you are able to connect better than where you are now.
It sounds as though the school dance really put things in perspective for you with your friends having the opportunity to dance with many people while you only had two dance partners. When you mention your first kiss I get the sense that you were surprised to learn that the guy was in university but I’m not sure whether your face means you were surprised in a positive or negative way… I wonder if you’d like to share more about that?
It really seems as though this is a confusing time for you EddieBasset99, and I’m really glad that you’ve found our forum to share your story with us. We are here to support you.