Welcome to our forum and thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with us.
I can hear how worried you are about your relationships and how hopeless you feel about them in your future. Also, I hear how afraid you are of being “Forever alone”. Seems like you feel a lot of pressure to find someone soon or else it might be too late.
It sounds like you experience anxiety when faced with unfamiliar social situations and avoiding them feels a lot safer right now. I get the sense that you really want to break free of the fear that is holding you back from achieving the type of relationships that you want and to feel comfortable out of your comfort zone. I imagine that you are feeling very lonely and isolated, which probably doesn’t help with the anxiety either when you try to be social:(.
I can hear how confused you feel as to what might be the cause of the fear and anxiety. It seems like the idea of possibly being bi might contribute to some of your anxiety:(. I am wondering if this is something that you just started exploring or if it has been on your mind for some time?
Please know that we are here for emotional support every night 6-11pm PST if you want to talk to someone live.