I know I don’t deserve to suffer this way…. but everything seems just so impossible. At this point, I don’t even know what to believe in anymore. I need help, I want to reach out and call 911, but it just seems impossible for me to do so. As if I didn’t have any courage or strength left to call them, to say to them that I’m harming myself at this exact moment. And it scares me that I might be able to go too far. I have no clue what I’m in control of anymore