I guess that what scares me the most, is that I don’t have a safety plan for when I’m alone, or that I’m sleeping. I had my cell phone, just in case I had a panic attack, but they took it away from me… so now I’m really alone with all of these empotions, and it really scares me. I never felt this way before. The fact that I know that I’m living on the edge, that the simplest thing around me can be so scary to me, the fact that nothing seems to be the same anymore…. it’s really frightening.
I’m scared that I could go out today, and seriosuly harm myself. I’m scared that I could head to school next week, and just decide to end everything there. It’s sad to be able to think something like this…. to even be able to put my thoughts in action.
Right now, at this moment of the day, I’m not feeling safe. Truth is, I never am. And it’s seriously not pleasant. I could hide myself somwhere, lock myself in a room… and jsut stay there doing whatever I can to harm myself. The thoughts are making me cry, and I have no clue what to do.
How can you support me in staying safe? How can I even know how to stay safe with all of the emotions just sitting in me and watching me destroy myself?