I really get the sense how emotionally battered you feel, and that the roller coaster you’re stuck on seems to be controlled by people in your life that don’t have your best interests at heart. I would guess you’re panicking to try to build resources for yourself while at the same time your options are being restricted by others, and that it’s disheartening to come up against so many roadblocks.
I hear your distrust in the people around you after what you have been through at their hands, and it sounds like it’s terrifying to start to feel the loss of trust in yourself as well. It sounds like you have had to be your own best support a lot of the time as things become dark in your life, and I imagine the weight of the responsibility is crippling.
As always, know that you can turn to us in the live chat from 6pm-11pm PST (and ’til midnight Friday and Saturday) for help getting support services to you in the moment. I wonder if you have any other crisis services you can contact by phone or online when youthspace isn’t open? You’ve mentioned a crisis line before, are you able to contact them when we are not here when you’re scared you will hurt yourself to an extreme?
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the Support Team