I do come to you online. I just come to you as Anonymous, and not other my account. Why you may ask? Because I am really scared that someone might end up judging me. And I don’t want to be judge. But it feels as if I’ve been judge all day, and all week, and I just feel so scared all the time.
I need to point out the thruth. Ive tried to kill myseld this week. Every morning I’ve been going to school, but last Wednesday, I went to school, went to the metro, and just thought of killing myself. I just looked at those rails, and just wanted to jump, but I the fact that the police was around scared me alot. Now I have no clue how to feel about it. I just feel mostly scared. Scared that every day could be my last day. And I know that maybe tomorrow, or in the days to come, I will end up killing myself. But right now, I this exact moment, I keep SI, and I can’t take it anymore. It’s making me go crazy. I have no clue how some people can handle this, but I can’t.
I guess what I’m seeking is some help, someone to save me. Because sadly, I can’t keep on going strong with these feelings in me. I know you hear me, and I know you understand me. But nobody truly cares if I do die or not. Everyone doesn’t care if I’m suicidal….the important thing for them is that I am not depressive…. that I’m just…. me….
Well I’m not me.
And I’m hurting.
And I’m crying.
And damn I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore…. I’m so confused. And that’s a dangerous thing.