Hey Sophiecdxx <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title="

Thanks for posting, and sharing your thoughts and your story. It seems like life lately had been a series of out-of-control trains, taking you from home to police to hospital… with you just trying to hang on long enough to survive in the moment. I can imagine that there must have been moments of huge pain and fear, and moments of desperation — and I can hear how the desperation to get away from everything drove you to try ending your life. My heart goes out to you, Sophiecdxx; those moments when you had already tried to end things and you decided to call for help must have seemed agonizing. And I can hear that the time afterwards was filled with pain in its own way — both physical pain and the emotional pain of finding yourself so completely isolated. Afterwards, it must have seemed like everyone was looking at you with judging eyes and finding you lacking. Oh Sophiecdxx, please know that we see only the pain that you were trying to escape and the strength that it took to call for help when you had already gone so far…

It’s heartening to hear that you want to find “your place” and find a way to live in this world without feeling the huge stress and emotional distress that has been part of your life. I deeply hope that you are able to keep that thought with you, because it sounds like your mind still turns to thoughts of suicide, and I can imagine that the battle against them might continue to be a struggle. I can hear that even though you were scared about how close to death you came, the other side of you is still dealing with all the pain that sent you towards that path in the first place, and still very much has suicide as an option. Knowing that it’s still so nearby in your mind must be nerve-wracking.

I get the sense that you really want to find an escape, the elusive path out of a maze of pain… and that your mind keeps turning towards suicide and self-harm. I get the sense that it’s hard to feel like you fit in anymore to a world that requires you to go about your day and pretend like nothing is happening.

We can hear how desperate things are for you — please know that you can chat in or post here, and we will give you whatever support we can.
-The Support Team